Ryan’s First Ever 2017 Celebrity Award List (CAL)

Over the past few months, I’ve been noting celebrities that move me in some way this year. It started with a list of 10 then it became 18 then 27 then 33 then 41 then I thought I should draw the line somewhere. What I’ve learned from putting this list together is that I tend to enjoy people who make me laugh, deliver political points, actresses in the age 30- 45 range, and bro-mances. I also like celebrities that kind of fly under the radar. 

Here are people who did not make the list, reality TV reality stars, sexual abusers, and surprisingly novelists, I say sorry Jeff Probst, Ben Affleck and Mitch Album. All are very talented people. With that being said, be ready to debate my choices of:

50. Oprah – There was a time that she was not only my secret cougar crush but could have also been in my Top 10 C.A.L.  Although I couldn’t name a single show on her hard to find television network, she still remains relevant because her network is suddenly realizing a viewership boom. Plus, Oprah is always redefining herself. She now pedals this incredibly delicious soup line called “O So Good!” Clever and delicious…both the soup and Oprah.

49. Michael Chicklis – Once again an odd choice for my list since he hasn’t been seen or heard from in over a year. The star of every failed network comedy between 2005-2010 did see his career resurgence in “Gotham.” He also starred a large stone-like creature in the Fantastic Four movies but his best roles were in the old FX show, “The Shield” and as the beloved Police Commissioner in “The Commish.” I have nominated him in my C.A.L  as a sentimental choice as I continually pine for a comeback for “The Commish."

48. Kayleigh McEnany- This is very painful to say but I find her to be very entertaining in the reality television network called “Fox News.” I cannot think of single political point that I agree with her upon but I admire the way she can constantly take a pile of poo and make it appear like roses. I am not being sarcastic; her constant spinning on the current presidential administration is captivating, spell-binding, and masterful. Once again, I do NOT agree with anything she says but there are a lot of Americans who do and that’s what matters. She is a brilliant communicator and as outlandish as her views may be, she expresses herself in a semi-charming endearing way that makes me wish she was on my side.

47. Angela Rye – She has the same job as Kayleigh but on a network with real journalists. Ryes delivery and positions are vastly different then the aforementioned Kayleigh.  Ryes style is very direct, strong and often earns her the angst from nit-wit twitter followers. She is is extremely poignant on matters of political fairness and race. She is also one of the best commentators on handling tough rebuttals. She puts people in their place. She is a truth-dealer.

46. Jose Altuve is the “Rudy” of baseball. He is short and overlooked. Yet he was one of the top 5 players in the league this year and led Houston to their 1^st ever World Series. It’s been a great year for Altuve, my new favorite baseball player (who is not a Phillie).

45. Katy Tur- She is a rising star at NBC News. That is her reward for her 2016 assignment of following The Donald around at his angry rallies and sometimes becoming his verbal punching bags. Her wit and insightful reporting undoubtedly landed her a chair hosting the mid-day news on MSNBC. She also wrote a highly-acclaimed book about her experiences on the road with The Donald. She also got married this year and it wasn’t to Keith Olbermann (who she dated back in the day).  I should mention one other thing. She hilariously delivers her news and sublimely drops in lines to Phish song lyrics and titles. Even though I don’t follow the band, I found the exchanges hilarious. Go Google Katy Tur/ Phish references.

44. Nicolle Wallace- This former aide to the McCain/ Palin campaign is extremely refreshing. She has somehow been able to maintain her conservative values but not let it compromise her American values. She is now anchoring mid-afternoon shifts on MSNBC. She comes across as informed, composed, and insightful. Also delivers stories of her time in the White House as the Com Director and how this role has greatly changed recently.

43. Kelly Clarkson- This American Idol alum has been able to take her 15 minutes of fame and turn it into 15 years of fame. The reason being is she is simply talented. She also presents herself in a very humble way and it makes it very easy to cheer on her career.

42. Kevin Hart – He and I went to high school together. We were the top 2 funniest guys at George Washington High School (GWHS). Technically one of us was the funniest guy at school the other was named Kevin Hart. The truth is we never knew each other. Actually, I didn’t even know he went to GWHS till he made it big in Hollywood. It’s actually the running joke with the alum of our high school. Other then the guys who played on the basketball team with him, no one knew him…Everyone knows him now. The man is flat out comedy gold and his career has been propelling the last 5-10 years. I do not see it slowing down anytime soon. He is the modern day Eddie Murphy.

41. Ben Simmons was thankfully drafted by the Philadelphia Sixers in 2016 by Bryan Colangelo. Although he missed last season with an injury, he is proving to be an incredible player to watch every night. As a Sixers fan I am extremely entertained by his play (even though there are obvious rookie flaws that need correcting). I’m excited that we have a new superstar in the city. Truthfully, Simmons spot of my list could have easily gone to Embiid, who is probably a bigger personality and better player but will have a far shorter career. I also could have chosen Carson Wentz of the Eagles or Rhys Hoskins of the Phillies. We are lucky to now have some young stars in this town and they are now becoming national stars.

40. Rosie O’Donnell – Yes I am out of my mind. I like comedians and as much of a ribbing Rosie O’Donnell gets, she is actually pretty talented. She is now getting older and redefining herself. Her latest project, “Smilf” shows a more serious acting side, which is pretty underrated.

39. Marvin Lee Aday (MEATLOAF). Meat is still out there putting on shows. They are no longer concerts because his voice is shot and he is getting old. I put him on my 2017 list because I’ve seen him in concert 4X and I’m pretty certain he will die on stage in 2018. I’m covering my CYA because I love this man and his songbook.

38. Marshall Mathers III (Eminem) – The man is in his mid-40’s and still rapping…and doing it well. Here is the thing, I do not care much for rap music but for some reason, I am always sucked into his music. I can’t explain why but his lyrics, style and passion gets my attention every time.

37. Sterling K. Brown - is perhaps my new favorite actor of 2017. There is no other way to say this but I find his performances on “This is Us” absolutely moving.  He has done other stuff in the past like the OJ Simpson Docu-Series but his character on “This is Us” is incredibly masterful in many ways.

36. Brie Larson, 35. Rachel McAdams, 34. Anna Kendrick- Ryan’s trifecta of female awesomeness. These women are all incredible actresses under the age of 40. Yes, they are all nice on the eyes but what I love most about each of them is that they are all award-worthy actresses and you never hear stories about them causing controversy. It seems like each of them keep a low public profile but explode with talent in each of the roles they play. Much respect.

33. Charles Barkley- He will always be on my list somewhere. I find him to be incredibly interesting and a culture icon. I think his stardom goes beyond being a former All-Star NBA player and a TV basketball analyst. Barkley is refreshingly blunt. He holds no apologies or punches. I would be lying if I didn’t mention his influence with the black community of Alabama in keeping Roy Moore from being a Senator. You can say that he didn’t influence the election if you want but Doug Jones won by 1.5% points and 95% of Black people for voted for Doug Jones. If 85% of the black community voted for Doug Jones, the result would be a lot different. What I like most about Barkley is he is very relevant without having a social media platform. Sometimes you just need to get yourself out there.

32. Erica Hill - She is one of my favorite national broadcasters and I can’t put my finger on why. She began at CNN on the Anderson Cooper show. She then moved around to the CBS Morning show then to the Today Show (Weekend) but has landed a new gig in 2017 with “On the Story” on HLN. There is a subtle yet charismatic way she delivers the news that I really appreciate.

31. Al Michaels – I will just come out and say that Al Michaels is one of the top 5 sports announcers of all-time and nobody calls football games better than him. He rarely makes mistakes in the game; he is very well-prepared and has very good chemistry with Chris Collinsworth. Let’s not forget the many years he did hockey games, baseball games and the Olympics too. I should mention that he had a few missteps this year that knocked him down on the list. He is aging, slowing down and cutting back on games. At age 73, I would not be surprised if he retired soon. He also got a DUI this year, which is not great for public image. He also made an off-color remark about Harvey Weinstein during a Sunday Night Football game. This did not go over well with many people.

30. Jason Alexander - He will always make my list because I think he is a super-talented guy who is often remembered for one signature role (George Costanza). Albeit he was amazing in Seinfeld, people don’t recognize the magnitude of his talent. He is Tony-Award winner, not to mention a director and of course and actor in over 40 films. I once saw him in LA in a production of “The Producers” which was off the charts amazing

29. Penatonix- I cheated and fully recognize the accapella group Penatonix consists of 5 tremendous vocalists. However when they sing, it’s as if they are one.  They are incredibly enjoyable to listen to and absolutely mesmerizing to watch. I feel like I’m hypnotically transfixed into their pitch perfect harmonies.

28. Jake Tapper –Jake Tapper calls people out on his show. It’s not that he is showing his liberal colors. I think it just comes out that way because the newsmakers think that negative press is liberalism. I truly believe that Jake Tapper is trying to be objective like many of his colleagues but his profession and objectivity has been called “fake” and it’s insulting. Somehow Jake tries to keep his journalistic integrity and keeps asking the tough questions. He realizes that an apple is just an apple…everything else is a distraction.

27. Jon Oliver- His show may only be 30 minutes but it packs a big punch. It’s not only clever but it is heavily researched and feels like a satirical capstone presentation. I feel like I’m learning, laughing but also depressed on the news and facts he unearths. What I love about his program “Last Week Tonight” is that his material is shared and clipped on a myriad of news sites the following morning.

26. Howard Stern- He is now a trailblazer now years into a revolutionary radio career that somehow has stayed fresh, relevant and entertaining without missing a beat.  Personally, I find it amazing that he has largely stayed away from politics in a volatile 2017 year. He does offer commentary on many current event stories, which are surprising thoughtful and insightful for a guy who is known to be a crude radio entertainer. Perhaps the hallmark of Howards radio show is his legendary interviews. Clearly he has an advantage over any late night host or TV personality as Stern has the time to dive deep into the celebrities he interviews often allowing them to let down their guards.

25. Larry David – One of the greatest comedy writers of our generation has made a comeback this year with another season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”  The season was absolutely brilliant. David also had another appearance as SNL host. The only thing that can keep his career going stronger is if Bernie Sanders does anything newsworthy.

24. Bruce Springsteen – I am a fraud. As many of you know, I never owned a Springsteen album nor have I attended a conference but I do know greatness when I see it. Springsteen has transcended generations. He is one of a handful of musicians that is admired by children, their parents and grandparents alike. Springsteen made his Broadway debut this year and the reviews have been amazing. It’s a unique and intimate story-telling of his music.

23. Lady Gaga- While on the subject of music, I must recognize the talents of Lady Gaga. She is still selling out stadiums and creating great evenings for fathers and their teenage daughters. Gaga has also had a great social and cultural awareness that makes her more compelling and worth paying attention too.

22. Jonah Hill- He is always a mainstay for my list. The only criticism I have for him is, dude put some weight back on. The charm of Jonah was his pudginess. Yes, he lost some weight for his more serious roles but he has taken it to new levels. The man is an unhealthy kind of thin but it does not ruin my admiration or bromance. One of the things about his talent is range. The man can go from “Sausage Party” to “War Dogs” in less than a year.

21. George Clooney – While I’m on the topic of bromances, Clooney to me is an older more handsome Jonah Hill. Allow me to clarify. He can act in any genre but has done it for a longer period of time as Hill. You must also give Clooney props. The man vows to never get married then it happens at age 53. Then this year at age 56, he becomes the father of twins. Suffice to say, he has his hands full for a while. I’m almost 40 expecting my 2^nd and I’m exhausted. I’m not sure how he pulls it off at his age.

20. David Gergen – I consider this man the godfather of American politics. No side can claim him as their go-to guy because he has served for presidents in both political parties. What’s great about Gergen is his forthright and matter-of-fact view through unfiltered political bias.

19. Marc Cuban- I’ve always be keen of the way Cuban has leveraged his personality as an unconventional business man. He is still like every-man, a huge sport fanatic but with the extra money to be an owner. I watch him behind the Mavs bench and I want to be him. Yes, I do appreciate some of his candor on the political front and yes, I believe he may take on Trump in a GOP primary in May, 2020. He is one to watch.

18. Andrew Lloyd Webber – I still love the modern day musical and Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber is still the greatest that ever lived and he isn’t even 70 yet. His latest musical “School of Rock” is another Broadway hit. Of course I favor his first ever show “Joseph…” because I performed it 12 years ago and met my wife. As musicality goes, I think “Whistle Down the Wind” is one of his finest works. Whatever your choice is, Lloyd Webber is the greatest at his craft.

17. Neil Simon – The comedy legend has theaters named after him and he isn’t even dead yet. The fact that he is 90 and still alive is enough to make it on my list. He has written anything in over 25 years. However, with the Brighton Beach trilogy alone, he is still making a fortune in royalties. My favorites are “Laughter on the 23^rd Floor” and “The Odd Couple” they all bring me to tears of laughter.

16. Gabby Giffords- She is on my list because of what she stands for. She is a person who has spent her political career defending the 2^nd amendment and even when a bullet ripped through her head, she still defends that same right but WITH A STRONGER position on responsible/ secure gun ownership principles. Her courage and INSANE recovery over the last 7 years is something worth paying attention too. Maybe we should pay more attention to those who are most effected by bad policies.

15. Mike Emrick- I am NOT the biggest of hockey fans but it must be said, Mike Emrick is the greatest living SPORTS announcer of any kind. No debate, no wavering and no one else that’s even in his stratosphere. This is remarkable statement because there are a lot of great sports broadcasters working today.

14- Mark Zuckerberg – Without the evolution of Facebook, I would not have the forum to spew my angst, achievements, triumphs and tribulations of life. Facebook is literally one of the greatest inventions in life. Besides the utter non-sense it generates, we must also recognize how it galvanizes people, reunites old acquaintances and serves as a great way to get recommendations.

13 - 10. Whitney Cummings, Kate McKinnon, Amy Schumer, Tina Fey- It’s not intentional these women are lumped together but I am a huge fan of funny women. These four actresses are not only bracingly brilliant funny women but are also great performers, actresses and writers. They are in my opinion the epitome of female comedic gold. I do love my wife but I always thought in my next life, I would find an insanely funny, witty comic as my next wife.

9. Debra Messing – I may be slightly infatuated with this ginger genius but I truly do love her talents. I am not a huge “Will and Grace” fan but I am a huge Debra Messing in “Will and Grace” fan. She is just so entertaining to watch in everything she does even the Garfield movie. She was also terrific in “Dirty Dancing” this year. I support my fellow tribe members but I also support those celebrities who speak out on major American crises like the Donald. Brava Deb!! I can call her Deb because we are on that kind of level.

8. John McCain- He a true American Hero. Yes he made a big difference with the healthcare vote and it took courage but in reality, he would have still made my list either way. The reason is because he votes with conviction. Yes, he is a maverick who may vote most of the time with his conservative principles but he is also a guy who puts patriotism above politics. I saw his jumpsuit in the Hao Lo prison in North Vietnam when I visited in 2010. I was also particularly moved when I learned he would not accept his prisoner release until the American soldiers captured before him were let go. The man was beaten so hard that he can no longer lift his arms above his head. When politicians speak about war, he is the only one who can speak from experience. He is now stricken with brain cancer and will likely not live past 2018. I wanted to share that he is one of my top politicians of all time.

7. Joe Biden- Speaking of courage- Joe tragically lost his wife and daughter in a car accident 5 weeks after being the 5^th youngest elected Senator in the history of America (age 30) circa 1970’s. He took his oath and commuted from DC to Delaware every day so that he can be with his two sons, who were also injured in the wreck. Biden served in the Senate for 36 years until he became our VP. I admire the guy immensely because he is the closest thing to a relatable human in federal office we ever had. He is a man who remembers where he came from and was perhaps one of the least wealthy politicians we ever had. Mainly because he did not come from wealth or build wealth working in the private sector. Tragedy struck again in 2015 when his 46-year-old son, Beau, died of brain cancer. Do I feel bad that Joe never ran for president in 2016? He ran twice before and lost each time. Even if he ran again and beat Hillary in 2016, he would have got crushed by Trump, since the race was far less about substance and more about diversionary tactics. It does not change my view. I love this man. I just bought his book about his son and I’m proud of his service in politics. He was and still is highly regarded in each political party.

6. Barrack Obama – This is also a slam dunk. One may ask, "What has he done in 2017?" My retort would be, he stayed above the fray every-time Captain Cheetos told a lie. No, Obama did not wiretap anyone. No, Obama did not play golf as much as the current guy in office, No, Obama did not ruin our relations with foreign leaders, No, the economy got much better with Obama not worse. Despite the lies, he has remained on the sidelines, and will hopefully be  ready to toss some snowballs when the current administration comes falling down in 2018.

5. LeBron James- It still makes me laugh when people try to compare him to other players. In my generation there has been no player as dominate as him. Back in the 80’s and 90’s I revered guys like Bird, Dr. J, MJ, Magic, Malone, Drexler, Iverson, Duncan, Kobe, Shaq and many others. All are incredible players in their own right. LeBron has a solid 7-8 seasons left in his career and has already surpassed all of those guys in greatness. He, alone, adds at least 25 wins for any team.  He has appeared in 7 straight NBA Finals. Without LBJ, the Cavs are a 25-30 win team. What I like most about LeBron is his appreciation for the guys who played the game before him. In a day where we see players get in trouble for violence, drugs and generally be poor “locker-room” guys, he does everything the right way. Sure some people will rip him for announcing his free agency destination in June, 2010 but he did come back to the Cavs and win a championship for them and I can’t wait for him to do the same for the Sixers…one day.

4. Alec Baldwin- Nobody had a bigger year than Baldwin. Yea, he made a few vanity movies  and hosted hokey network game shows to support his growing family but the one thing he will always be remembered for in 2016 (and perhaps next year too) is his spot-on Trump impressions. They are not only savvy, witty and funny but it’s unfortunate at the same time as the content in his performances on SNL are almost realistic. Sometimes we still need to remember that he is a multi-award Emmy, Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild winner plus an Academy Award nominee. The guy is super-talented and so maybe his spot-on Trump impression should not surprise us.

3. Billy Joel- Yes, I did see him in concert once…it wasn’t enough times. His songbook is so recognizable. He is the modern day version of the Beatles and he is not slowing down. At age 68, he is still having babies (hopefully future piano players) and he is still selling out stadiums across America.

2. Seth McFarlane- This man being at number 2 may surprise many of you but I think he is the most under-rated celebrity out there. Part of it is because most of his success is behind the scenes. He is the comedy genius behind many of the adult animated series (Ala “The Family Guy) but he is also a terrific director, actor, activist and singer. He has various musical albums and is a surprisingly master crooner.  He is a multi-talented and intriguing guy. I still think most people are still recognizing his talents.

1. Jimmy Kimmel- This was a slam dunk. He will always be my number 1 pick because I discovered him in 1997, when he was hosting “Win Ben Stein’s Money.” I was a college sophomore and I looked at him and knew he’d be a big star. I kick myself every time when I should have chosen a career as a talent agent.  I just knew Kimmel should have his own talk show. A few years later came the hugely popular “Man Show.” Then his career took off when he was offered his own show on ABC, “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” I went to a live taping in his first year and I find him to be absolutely hysterical.  The ratings indicate that others feel the same. The thing that sets him apart is that he uses his late night pulpit to offer poignant AMERICAN stances. Here is the important thing to know, he does it in a funny, witty and non-antagonistic approach. He simplifies things in a human way, “I had a baby, he is sick, why can’t we fix healthcare.” Or “Guns are dangerous. 60 people got shot down. Perhaps we can fix this problem.” It’s not about political sides but human-sides. Yes, he jokes about Trump but does it in a way where he just wants the Trump to do the right thing. The other thing I like about Kimmel is that he lets us into his world. He peels back the curtain. Joe Biden is to politics as Jimmy Kimmel is to late night TV. He is a guy you can just root for because you genuinely believe that his TV personality is the same as his not-on-tv personality. There is something genuine and joyful about Jimmy Kimmel.

20 honorable mentions in no particular order: Neil Patrick Harris, Ty Burrell, Michael Smerconish, Savanah Guthrie, Ariana Grande, Killer Mike, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Bob Costas, Ben Folds, Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert, Pete Davidson, Pink, Bob Saget, Prince harry, Adam Sandler, Tom Hanks, Michael Moore, Seth Rogan,  Lin Manuel Miranda

I WAS WRONG ON EMBIID

Now the Sixers season is halfway over, I can now assess or reassess the many things that I have said about them over the last few years. I have not been shy about my opinions. As a lifelong fan and emotional stakeholder of this team, I felt it was important to express my views about their “process” or what I believed their lack thereof.  More specifically, I had very unfavorable feelings about the pick of Joel Embiid in 2014 and even stronger feelings about Sam Hinkie as the GM. So I wish to address both of these issues.

Regarding Joel Embiid. My unfavorable view of him stemmed from some actual and factual things that occurred in his basketball life. For starters, he did not pick up a basketball until he was 16-years-old. By the time he turned 21-years-old, he had three major surgeries one on his vascular bone and two others on his right foot. To compound these facts, the much-hyped Kansas Freshman played 20 games of competitive basketball, where he was just “ok.” I simply don’t know what other data I was supposed to see to make me feel like he was worth the third pick in the NBA draft. If we want to be honest with ourselves, he was not Hinkie’s ideal choice either but that’s a story for another time.

But here we are on January, 20^th and the only thing more miraculous then Embiids early season success is that on the same day I write this blog a moron with no political experience that once had a mediocre realty TV show is now our US President. Being a man of my word, I owe it to myself to Eibiid master scouts: Joshua Stein, Jarad Benn, Alan Cohen and the die-hards who somehow could see what I couldn’t. I was wrong about Joel Embiid. He has surprised me more than any other athlete of my generation. Besides his shear power and dominance, the man can also shoot clutch free throws and hit a three.  I admit that I still hold some trepidation with the fact he only plays in 2/3 of the games and is limited to 28-30 minutes on the bum foot. He is as fragile beast. However, if he never played another game for the rest of his career, he has still already surpassed my expectations 20-fold. I could be the contrarian and find a way to say ‘hey Its only been 20 some games for the young guy” but even a fool can see that Joel Embiid is a stud and has bought some basketball respectability back to this town.

I would also like to add that I am humored by his tweets, his funny post-game interviews, his love for Shirley Temples and even his self-proclaimed nickname “The Process.” The team really needs his talent but having a fun guy that keeps the mood light is a bonus.

Let me say this one more time. Joel Embiid has proven me wrong. He is good. e is very good. He is almost as good as Andrew Wiggins. Who by the way plays shooting guard and would have us further along in the process right now. He would have been available for us to pick at number at #1 but our team won too many games because our GM was terrible.

My feelings for Sam Hinkie remain unchanged. He was a subpar GM and continues to be jobless in the NBA. Unlike Embiid, there is nothing more to be seen that can lead me to believe that Hinkie “died for our sins.” There are few players and quality trades, which he can hang his hat on to but generally speaking, he was a terrible GM that was always pushing the “process” to the next year. We can say the process worked because no one can define what the process was anyway. Was it a 1-2 year program that most NBA teams take or was an endless program that Hinkie was hoping for?

He was run out of town by NBA executives embarrassed by his prolonged “process” and I do sincerely believe that what he did in almost three years +of GM work could have been accomplished more successfully and more quickly by a more qualified basketball executive. I am so grateful that Brian Coangelo has come to town to attempt to land this proverbial plane.  I will not go as far as to say that Coangelo is the messiah who will bring this team a championship but he is few notches about Sam Hinkie. Actually, many are.

I guess my biggest disappointment in the performance of Sam Hinkie is that “The Process” never had a conclusion. I truly believe that if he were still our GM today, the procurement of bad contracts for 2^nd round future picks would continually be happening, while the “Sons of Sam” salivate over the endless trail of draft picks that lead to nothing more then more traded draft picks. Sam Hinkie was hired in May, 2013. It has been almost 4 years and here is what we got to show for three losing seasons:

1.       One borderline all-star who plays in 66% of our games

2.       One POTENTIAL all-star in Simmons. For the record we shouldn’t consider him great until he actually plays but I do feel more comfortable in his ability since there is a track record of him.

Am I excited about the Sixers? Hell yeah. They just won 8 of their last 10 games. But I ask this question again? What was this all about anyway? Because right now we have a team that’s borderline playoffs and if we are being honest, we are at least 2 more years of being a championship caliber team. I can’t deny there is buzz and excitement about the team but where was this buzz in 2014 and 2015. My point is this took way too long and we are only partially there. There were too many missteps along the way and Hinkie-Christ had no concept of drafting a balanced team (See big man logjam).

To say “Die for our sins” is simply stupid. I just wanted to thank the NBA for pushing the Sixers to get rid of Sam Hinkie so that this “PROCESS” can finally begin. 

2016 Phillies: Is Help On The Way?

A 7 game improvement over last season. As far as wins and losses, the Phillies are slightly 10% better then they were last season but let’s not kid ourselves, this Phillies team is significantly flawed and I was not satisfied with the overall progress this year. Yes, it’s been hammered into our minds this team has a great farm system, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, my expectation was that after this season The Phillies would need just a few spare parts to compete in 2017. Maybe my hopes were too high but this teams progress was very disappointing (particularly in the area of pitching) and had it not been for an amazing managerial performance, this could have easily been a 60-win team. Let’s dive into each position and discover where we went wrong and or occasionally, we went right this season.

OUTFIELD

The Phillies struck gold last season with Odubel Herrera. This guy is a 5-tool player who we picked up in a Rule 5 Draft. Yes, he had his brain-freeze moments but overall, he was our best overall player and a deserving all-star this season. The outlook for next year is he may play a corner outfield position. I’m ok with this. He is a bonifide solid everyday MLB outfielder who will bat .290, steal 25 plus bases, slap 15 homeruns and play solid defense for the next 8-10 years.

Other then Herrera, next year’s outfield is a complete mess. The hope coming into the season was that Aaron Altheer would be the guy. He looks from the outside like a nice athletic guy who can hit for average and power and play above average defense. There is no other way to spin this, he stinks. Yes, I know he only played 1/3 of this season because of an injury but he stunk last year too and he was equally bad this year. He is at best a 5^th outfielder on an average MLB team.

The other OF position was vacated this season by Peter Bourjos, an MLB veteran with limited power and a mediocre batting average. He was a placeholder for future minor league superstar, Nick Williams. However, Williams never emerged this season. Williams showed flashes of brilliance but also got benched for lackadaisical running efforts and poor work ethic. He finished this season in the minor leagues with no late-season call up. This forced the Phillies to trot out the forgettable Bourjos and his thrilling .240 average. Yes, Nick Williams still has time to emerge in 2017 but 2016 is a setback, which forces the Phillies to wait longer for his arrival and ultimately forcing them to go out and get another Bourjos type player.

As for the other corner outfield position. The Cody Asche experiment has now come to a screeching halt. Like Altheer it is evident that Asche, despite seeming like a good dude, is a career 5^th outfielder on an average MLB baseball team. The Phillies tried to strike gold with another Rule 5 guy, Tyler Goeddel. He did have a hell of a month in May but eventually his talent caught up with him. I can’t fault the Phillies on this one. They have generally been successful lately in nabbing under the radar Rule 5 guys….Tyler Goeddel is not one of them.

That leaves us with Roman Quinn. I give Roman an incomplete grade. He did not play enough for me to gauge a strong opinion. I will say, I feel more optimistic than pessimistic about him but an overall evaluation of this year’s outfield leads me to believe me that we have 1 solid guy for next year in Herrera. We got 1 maybe in Quinn, 1 prayer in Nick Williams. Phillies will need to pay for a big bat in the other corner OF position until we can see if Dylan Cozins or Phillies teaches Rhys Hoskins to play RF.

Yes, Cozins and Hoskins (moving him from 1) each deserve to be looked at with their epic years in the minors but I need to see them each go up one level before anointing them the next great saviors.

INFIELD

I was pretty satisfied with our infield this season. It’s something to be encouraged about. Despite a few small injuries and a few bad 0-fers this season, Franco is a terrific 3B. He demonstrated he can be a solid .250 hitter who can drive the ball to all sides of the park and hit with consistent power. I’d like to see his average go to .280 and be more selective at the plate but overall I was somewhat encouraged by his first full season. It should also be noted that he is an amazing defender and will be fun to watch for years to come.

I am NOT a Freddy Galvis fan. I think his 20+ homers was more an aberration rather then something we will see consistently. However, I can’t deny his productive season. We do seem to have short-term memories and forget he was demoted briefly when he was batting under .100 for a large chunk of last season. With that being said, I tip my hat to the guy. He is possibly the best fielding SS in the league and if he can somehow replicate his power numbers next year then I can live with his .241 batting average. I do think the Phillies think more highly of him than Cesar Hernandez. I think they are vastly two different players. Hernandez is a more consistent hitter but Galvis is a better fielder. I feel like the Phillies will try to trade Hernandez this off season because he is cheap, has good value and they need a spot for top prospect JP Crawford to play in the middle infield (Not sure if Crawford will be at 2B and Galvis at SS or its more plausible that Crawford goes to SS and Galvis moves to 2B.) Regardless, I would keep both Galvis and Hernandez until Crawford can prove he is proven big leaguer.

The reason I’d keep both of these guys is because I am not confident in JP Crawford. Hence my theme: Is Help on the Way? For the last 3-4 years, I have been stroked and eased to think JP Crawford is the next coming of Jesus. Instead, he appears to be the next coming of Dom Brown. He hit his way into another .250 season of AAA and the fact that he was NOT called up late in the season is a reason to be concerned.

The most optimistic thing to come out of 2016 is the maturation of Tommy Joseph. This is Ryan Howards last year as a Phillie. You don’t need Scooby Doo to solve that mystery. The bigger mystery coming into 2016 was who would take his place in 2017? The Darrin Ruf experience came to a roaring end but finally having Tommy Joseph healthy and productive is the best news to come out of this season. You can book him as a 30-35 homerun threat at 1B each season and that’s all we need at a 1B.

Catching is an interesting and incomplete story yet to be written. What we learned is that Cameron Rupp is a really solid pro. He is better defensive catcher then most give him credit for. I am NOT yet sold on him as an everyday guy. This role will be hopefully filled by Alfaro (another highly touted prospect). It’s unfair to judge him on a small sampling size but I hope he shows more promise next season. The backup situation here is Andrew Knapp. I’m fairly confident that either Alfaro or Knapp will emerge as a solid catching guy but if not, I’m ok with Rupp playing lots of games one more season till we figure it out. The bottom-line is we have options and I feel good about that.

PITCHING

We must separate this into two very defined evaluations here:

STARTERS and RELIEVERS

Let’s begin with Starters:

I see Matt Klentaks strategy here. He came in with 2 decent/ cheap/ stop-gap veterans (Hellickson and Morton). Each knew their role was to come in for a year and pack for the next city. This would leave 3 spots in the rotation to watch our baby aces. As it turns out Hellickson pitched beautifully. I wish him luck next year as he has earned his raise. Morton got hurt early on. Thus we got heavy doses of:

NOLA- He pitched well early on then looked bad then got injured, which is probably why he looked bad. I give him the benefit of the doubt because he looked solid in 2015. I think it’s very reasonable to expect him to come back in 2017 and be a solid #2 guy in the rotation. He can be a guy who pitches next season to a healthy 3.30 – 3.50 ERA.

EICKOFF- Not much to add except that he was by far our best pitcher this year and 2^nd best player on the team behind Odubel. You can plug him in next year as a solid #3 guy with a projected ERA in the 3.6 – 3.8 range.  

Valasquez – Vinny from South Philly is quite an arm. When not getting injured, you can find him striking out tons of batters. The issue is he throws a lot of pitches and does not go deep into games. I do feel comfortable plugging him in as a #5 starter who will float in the 4.00- 4.20 ERA range next season. I am quite comfortable with that. What I’m not comfortable with is getting him for a huge bullpen piece like Ken Giles. Most will say, closers are easiest to replace. I will prove to you that IT IS NOT TRUE. I will also say that #5 starters can be picked off the scrapheap. You don’t need to trade a premium bullpen arm. With that being said, the Phillies move into 2017 with guys I feel will make up 3/5 of the starters. The other encouraging news is they are all young. So we have them for a while.

Let’s explore what else we learned.

Jake Thompson: He was brutal in his first few starts. He started to come around near the end of the season. Being as that he had limited starts but was really solid in AAA most of this year, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and plug him in as #4 guy next year.

Zach Eflin: Like Thompson he started awful and then started to pick things up. Then he got hurt again and pitched like crap. Truth is I don’t know what we can expect of him. On paper, he looks solid but we had a lot of young prospects look good on paper (Remember Brandon Duckworth?)

Alec Asher is intriguing. He was a toss in player in the Hamels trade. In his limited time this year, he looked really solid. At the very least, he deserves to come in and compete for a starter position next season.

Adam Morgan is trash and won’t be on the big league squad next year.

The outlook for next year’s starters is slightly optimistic. Because of uncertainty with health and inexperience, the Phillies will need to find another stop-gap guy to fill the pseudo #1 role. It will likely be a guy who is solid #2 somewhere else right now. This may sound like an out of box idea but the best thing the Phillies can do is move Vinny Vasquez as a number 5 starter to the closer role. I know this sounds insane but the Phillies will strangely have some depth at starting pitching next season. Because of how hard he throws and the limitations of pitch count it seems as though he would be a far more productive contributor to this team as a closer.

RELIEF PITCHING

Let me just come out and say this. I predicted at the beginning of the season that this is THE WORST part of the team. I don’t take pride in being right but it was easy to see. When you are taking 6^th inning mop up guys and making him the 4^th option as a closer, you knew it was doomed to fail. To Gomez credit, he stayed solid for 90% of the season and then opponents caught up with his low velocity fastball. I’m frustrated and angry about the lack of effort and thought given to the bullpen. I am not exaggerating when I say that it’s not only the worse Phillies bullpen I’ve seen in my lifetime but by far the worst in MLB this season. You had 1 reliable guy, Hector Neris. You had no viable closer, no situational lefty or even a solid veteran to get you key outs. The only free agent signing last off-season for the Phillies was David Hernandez. I agree with Klentak on signing a veteran bullpen guy, I would have not wasted my time with Hernandez who floated around with a 4.00 ERA most season.

Besides Neris, there is a chance Ramos can be possible 7^th inning option in 2017. Other then that, there is literally no other guy I would have back on this team. I am not only frustrated but genuinely offended that they trot out guys like Frank Herman, Colton Murray, Marriot Hotels (hek give me Paris Hilton).  Shuster? Who the hell are these guys? The Phillies taut they have this amazing farm system with top class arms. I know it’s not sexy to pitch in the bullpen but what good is it having s solid starter when your bullpen can’t hold the lead?

The good news is the Phillies would easily have 10 more wins this season with a reliable bullpen. The bad news is we need 5 new guys to go with Ramos and Neris next season. If I were Klentak, I would literally find the best 4 free agent bullpen guys (I’m guessing they all earn 1-2 million dollars) and sign them. I would toss in Neris and Ramos. Then I’d plug in Vinny from South Philly as the loser.

MANAGER

With this lackluster roster and 71 wins, I would give Mackanin an A+ this season. He was forthright, stern and pushed the right buttons most of the time. He was way better then I expected and he deserves a chance to manage with better players. Not much more can be said. I don’t have a strong opinion about the other coaches but I would consider bringing most of them all back. The 71-wins are less a reflection on the major league managers and more of a reflection of the GM and minor league instructors preparing the prospects.

I give Klentak a mulligan. The good news is we won more games then in 2015 so that’s a nugget to leave with. He deserves a chance to see this process through but I’m slowly seeing that a 2017 will at best be an 80 win team as opposed to a 90 win team that I was hoping for.

My Wish list for 2017

Power-Hitting Corner Outfielder

Viable and Versatile Bench players (like Blanco but younger)

4 veteran reputable relievers (preferably a lefty-specialist) 

End Of Summer Brain Thoughts!!

Welcome to another edition of Life in My Brain. Like last month, I feel as though its best if I try to focus my blog on issues not related to sports or politics. If interested you can go to www.presidentialpoliticsonline.com to quench that thirst. For now, I’d like to comment on current events, culture and the mundane things in life such as:

WHERE THE HELL IS DAVID HASSELHOFF

Hello Hoff, where are you? The last time we heard from this American Treasure was almost a year ago, when he hinted at changing his last name from Hasselhoff to simply, Hoff. Really, it took 63-years of his life to make this dramatic decision? I mean the last name was what made him great. I mean that and his golden pipes. The guy is a triple threat and an internet sensation. Oh, how we miss those slow-motion bouncing pecks in Baywatch (Let the record show that it was more of a bemusement then adoration for another man’s pecks). Oh, how we miss drunken Hoff eating cheeseburgers off the floor. Truth be told, they were IN-And-Out burgers, which are so delicious and demand to be eaten from almost any surface. Hek, I miss the man who was an awesome judge on “Americas Got Talent.” Come back Hoff!! The people of Germany don’t deserve you like we do.

I HATE TWO CHIPS

Chip Kelly and the new credit card chip. Since I pledged no sports, lets stick with my hatred for the new credit card chip. I get it, we need to prevent data breaches and identity theft. No one knows this better than me. My identity was stolen twice in 2007. Thank goodness my credit score now sucks and I don’t have to worry about identity theft ever againJ However, can we PLEASE go back to what GOD intended for consumers, swipe purchases. I don’t like anything about the new chip machines. I don’t like inserting my card like an ATM and then the disappoint that nothing comes out at the end. I don’t like remembering 4 digit codes because who among us can remember our kid’s birthdates for Christ sakes? Most of all, I don’t like the nasty attitude the chip machine gives me when my card is inserted too long. Hey pal, you can buzz at someone else. For now, I am boycotting stores with chip machines. I’ll stick luck with stores who are not as data compliant.

PEDICURES

I have a confession. I went into a nail salon the other day… with my mother. She had her tips refilled? I went for my regular pedicure. That’s right, I said “regular pedicure.” Yes, I will also profess that I enjoy it and yes, I always make small talk with the technician touching my feet.

Because:

A.      It would be rude not to

B.      I feel it’s important to tell her about my wife and daughter so that she doesn’t think I’m playing for the other team….not that there’s anything wrong with that....except the general perception that heterosexual married men don’t like pedicures. Boy, they are pretty damn amazing. Here is what men can expect:

1.       20 amazing minutes of a vibrating massage chair.

2.       A person other than yourself willing to touch your dank toe nails and clipping them like an Edward Scissorhands masterpiece.

3.       A warm foot bath.

4.       A sponge bath for the bottom of your feet and heel. Yes, it is an awesome scrub down.

5.       A person willing to dig in and massage in between your toes.

6.       A filing down of your toes nails/ picking a way at nail tucked in your side toe skin. Not particularly the best part but needed for sure.

7.       Gelling and deep ankle, foot and shin massage. Purely delightful.

All of this for like $20 and a tip. I get my feet done around 4-5 times a year. I’m not ashamed and if I had the money it would be a weekly occurrence. You can mock me, take my man card and deny me a seat in your man cave but you can’t knock it till you try it.

I know this isn’t the manly thing to do but I’m going to dime out another highly hetero man who loves his Pedi (Real men can say Pedi instead of Pedicure). His name is Seth Pollock. He and I actually experienced our first pedicures together a week before I was married. We filmed it…it was funny then…funny now but there is truth to funniness and pedicures are no joke.

GENE WILDER DIED

When I heard the news, I’ll tell you what I thought. I thought he was already dead. You know what else I thought? There sure are a lot of Gene Wilder fans out there in the social media world. It appears everyone was a fan of his…on the day that he died. Where was everyone’s proclamation for the love his work on social media last year? Last month? Last week? It has dawned on me that we only truly become a fan of celebrities when they die. Thus I would like to take this opportunity to tell certain celebrities how much I love and appreciate them before they leave this earth.

1.       Steve Martin – You were amazing man. Love your work on the Banjo

2.       Allen Iverson – Shit man, your crossover killed but no one should be surprised that you died this young with your lifestyle (not appropriate?)

3.       Betty White: It was a hell of a run. You were the last living person who spoke to Moses.

4.       John Travolta – A much better actor then pilot we have now learned.

5.       MEATLOAF – How ironic of you to die on stage while singing “Heaven Can Wait”

6.       Doris Day- Really, you were still alive

7.       Lindsey Lohan or Miley Cyrus – You should have not mixed those prescriptions. We will miss one or probably both of you.

8.       Dr. Ruth – You are sex doctor. You should have known that technique was going to kill you.

9.       Clarence Thomas – I’m guessing they will blame this one on an Obama or a Clinton.

10.   Jack Hanna – Yes, alligators have sharp teeth. I thought you were an expert.

STAND FOR YOUR COUNTRY

I’d like to take a stand on Colin Kapernicks defiance to stand during the anthem and presentation of our flag. Once again, one can argue that my blog entry is dabbling into sports since he is an NFL Quarterback. It’s not. His refusal to stand has nothing to with the game itself. I also don’t see this as political fodder either. You can protest something and not have it be political. I’d like to theoretically protest my wife’s cooking and that would not be political but it may end up with her walloping me in my man zone. Ok, Ill eat the damn kale.

My take is that I believe in protesting….as long as it doesn’t involve blocking traffic. As an American citizen, Colin Kapernick has the right to protest whatever he wants and I support that. I also believe that he has the right to sit down and not participate in the festivities of the flag and country.

Here is where I disagree with Colin Kapernick. I honestly don’t see the correlation here and I may be alone here. Yes, he lives in America and America is NOT great at everything we do. Big surprise. We live in a country with Kardashians and that’s not so great, so should I not salute the flag because I think our country immortalizes talentless socialites? We also have the largest obesity problem in the world, so should I not salute flag because our kids are fat and out of shape? I also don’t like how rich people don’t pay their fair share of taxes. The point is there is a lot to dislike about things happening in America. This includes the small percentage of overzealous cops killing innocent people (most of them of color). It’s not right. Its’s not fair but it’s also not what the flag stands for either.

“The flag still stands for freedom and they can’t take that away” Lee Greenwood famously sang. He also said we are “Proud to Be an American.” You know why? Because there is more right in this country then there is wrong. Kapernick feels as though a certain group of people are oppressed and targeted. I would say, what about the Gays, the Jews, The Muslims, WOMEN!!! Should they sit for the flag ceremony too. What about those who don’t like the Kardashians, the obesity rate or self-loathing rich people who don’t pay taxes? Anyone that has a general complaint about something wrong in America should sit? So we should all sit? Or we should all move to a country where things are much better. Like Syria?North Korea? Iran?  You see my point?

When I think of the flag, I think of men and women in the military who fight for causes that may not always align with their political philosophies but do it anyway in the pursuit that we can all live in a free country. When I think of the flag, I think of immigrants with only the cloths on the back who wanted to start a new life for their kids, grand-kids and future family. I think of John McCain himself (not to be political) but the man can’t lift his hands above his head because of the torture he took in Vietnam for being a person who honored that flag.

If Colin Kapernick wants to protest by marching outside his Police District that would be more honorable and sensible for his cause being heard in the right forum..

Farewell to Josh Innes

I’m sad. Maybe I shouldn’t be sad because there are so many things in the life to worry about such as Zika, the cost of Starbucks, the outlook of my fantasy football team, Ryan Lochtes bleached head and the curious discontinuance of sardines in a can. However, I must say that the recent firing of my favorite Philadelphia radio host, Josh Innes has flipped my world upside down.

I spend a lot of time in my car and talk radio keeps me both informed and entertained. I admit that the vast majority of people who read my blog don’t know who Josh Innes is (or for that matter are wondering how to operate the FM dial in their cars since they are simply cool with their MP3 setups).

Josh is a relatively young (30) radio journeyman, who was hired to do sports talk in a city where he has never lived. Oddly, he grew up in the radio business. His father voiced the character of Scooby-Doo and Josh took an interest in radio. He began his career in his teens doing, of all things, VERY minor league hockey play-by-play. But in essence that’s what I loved about Josh’s brand of radio. He is not one of those guys who was simply given anything in life. He earned it. He circled his career through various other spots like New Orleans and Houston.

Here is the knock on Josh while talking sports in Philadelphia: He was NOT one of us. Boo, I didn’t realize that was a qualifier. Actually, there are many great hosts at that station not from around here. In fact, more are NOT from around here then are from around here. The other knock on Josh was that he was brash and unapologetic. This is actually true but it is also what made him interesting. He was douche-like but he wore it like a badge of honor and even invited civil discourse with callers and radio competitors.

We really don’t know what ultimately got him fired. Reports are that he towed the lines with a controversial race topic that bruised the image of his main radio adversary. I actually believe that he was simply not the cup of tea for his boss (Programming Director). His ousting was simply a formality built upon many documented controversies that trailed Josh Innes in his time in Philadelphia.  The sadder part of this story is that I think Josh just doesn’t care. He knows he is talented and in my opinion, he looks at each radio job as car lease that expires after a certain period of time. He never ingratiated himself with the local crowd because it felt like everyone knew the eventual outcome. That outcome was he was a rental talent, who is now taking his show elsewhere and that’s a shame for us and for him.

It matters to me because I really enjoyed the vibe of his show and now I’ll make life adjustments in my afternoon drive home. It’s also another instance where I realized where my life could have been many years ago. I was a radio student in the late 90’s and I still feel a passion for that industry. I came to an intersection of my life, where I realized that if I pursued this life, I probably would have had a little bit of the Josh Innes flavor in my personality and that partially meant that I’d be going from city to city every few years restarting my life and that’s something I could ever stomach. I bid Josh Innes a Philly farewell and wish him luck in whatever city hires him for the next two years.

Sticklers for Grammar

Many of you have carefully read every word of my blog. I thank you for that and I thank you for your readership. Most likely there will be some out there who read this and will send me very critical emails about my terrible grammar. To that I say, I don’t give a shit. I mean I care to the extent where I want my words to be coherent and meaningful. However, I also believe that there are very things in the world as irritating as the grammar police. They are especially irritating when they get up on their high horse of literary excellence and often misspell or put their semicolons where they don’t belong too.

Here’s a general guide where grammar counts:

1.       Newspaper Reporters: I mean this is their job and most of these rags have professional editors to sharpen this stuff up.

2.       Lawyers: Once again. Depositions, working documents and legal papers kind of require grammatical excellence here.

3.       College Papers: I mean we are getting graded here. We should put some effort into it.

Here is where grammar is not as important

1.       Emails. They are kind of informal and don’t require more than just a simple spellcheck (Even that’s a courtesy depending on the sender)

2.       Blogs: No one here is getting paid or being graded.

The more I think about it, the more my blood boils for these Deciphers of Punctuation Excellence Standards (DOPES). They have nothing better today than to needle, nag and poke in an area that no one but themselves really true care about.

This last entry as not directed at any one individuals but rather to the group of DOPES who troll informal mediums of communication to mindfully point out missing commas, I say “Get a Life!”

Until next time America!

WHATS BEEN IN MY BRAIN!! Summer, 2016

Today I’m offering a Potpourri of things in my brain. There been a lot of thoughts simmering in my brain these past few months and I can’t hold them back any more. FGenerally, my life revolves around Spolotics (Sports and Politics). I’m happy to report that nothing in my blog entry is related to Sports or Politics.

SADNESS IN DALLAS

Some would like to believe that what happened in Dallas is political. I think it’s apolitical. Some may also believe that #BlackLivesMatter is political. It is not. It’s a movement to bring awareness to the suggested unfair treatment of Blacks in America. With the rash of violent deaths, particularly at the hands of police it has made this movement unavoidable and made it a powder keg ready to explode.  Clearly this is what occurred in Dallas last week when a mad man took vengeance upon officers who had nothing to do with the deaths of black men tragically killed by police earlier in that week. All 3 incidents on consecutive days was sickening, disheartening and tragic. We don’t need to be Liberals or Conservatives to agree on that. As a matter of cultural simplicity, practicality and love and lets agree on this premise:  #BlackLivesMatter,do matter as do JewishLivesMatter, WomenLivesMatter, ChildrenLivesMatter, PetLivesMatter…All humans matter. This includes officers; most who take their jobs seriously and often make split-second life and death decisions. Let’s just all agree that every life is equal despite ones skin color, religion, class or occupation. Let’s all make and effort  to not prejudge and or take matters into our own hands. As a father and a husband, I hope we can restore American civility and protest without provoking other tragic events like the ones we have seen this past few weeks.

OUTSOURCING AMERICAS GOT TALENT

Americas Got Talent (AGT) is one of my guilty television pleasures. It’s fun, entertaining and just makes me feel happy after a long day of work. However, I am oddly bothered by a glaring inconsistency on the show. There are versions of this show around the world. In England, you will find Britain’s Got Talent, where you can see the acts and the judges are all from the UK. There are literally 4 dozen plus “Got Talents” around the world. Such as India, Iceland and Italy. Each has judges and talent of that countries nationality. We live in one of the largest countries in the world (350 million people living here. Many are super-talented). Yet we have a show with 4 judges, none of whom are actually American (2 from England, 1 from Canada and 1 from Germany). I’m not saying our judges aren’t great talent scouts. It’s just odd they can’t hire 1 American to be a panel judge. I’m not even going to bring up the many contestants who are also NON-Americans…At least the host is American.

GREETING CARDS

Can someone please explain the point of Greeting Cards? Firstly, the cost of these cards has become outrageous. Why do I need to spend $5 on a card that has someone else’s words that may describe how I feel about my loved one on that significant day, which by the way also ironically are the words that describe thousands of others who purchased that same card to express to their loved ones how they also feel on that special day. It’s just ridiculous. For now on I’m going verbal on greeting cards. This is how it will work. When I see you, I will find something clever to say like “Happy Anniversary” or “I’m super proud that you graduated from high school” or “Congrats on the divorce.” For those special celebrations like Valentine’s Day, I may take my wife to the CVS, let her read are the cards on the rack. Maybe I’ll let her take a picture of the card and let her have that fond memory. By the way, if my kid happens to be invited to your kids 3^rd birthday party, we hope that you will forgive us as we write a special “Happy Birthday Message on a small square piece of overpriced wrapping paper. Trust me, your kid won’t care, they can’t read anyway. Also, you can do the same for my kid because we toss the card after we take the money out first.

FASHION TRENDS

Let’s be honest, no man looks good in skinny jeans. It looks dumb and it’s not scoring any points with women who just assume you have a perpetual wedgie. Stop wearing these, your butt cheeks thank you too. Also, I am equally annoyed by people who wear oversized sunglasses. Unless you are a clown, your glasses should only cover the part of the body they are intended for, your eyes not your entire orbital region.  It looks you are just screaming for attention. Also with fashion, do men really need scarves accessories? Especially in the spring and summer evenings. A nice wool scarf to protect you from frigid weather temperatures is all one needs.

THE DOWNFALL OF ADAM SANDLER

Attention Adam Sandler: Really? “Just Go with It” in 2011 was your last good movie and that movie was sandwiched in between a lot of crappy movies. I was insulted by your vanity movie “Grown Ups.” I was equally insulted by your friend reunion on camera with “Grown Ups 2.” So we now have to live on “Billy Madison”, “Happy Gilmore” and “Big Daddy” for the rest of our lives? Please dude  come back? You are better than that. Here is my career resurgence advice:

1.       Ditch the voices that got you through the 90’s

2.       Ditch the fun and cute sidekicks that got you through the 2000’s (Drew Barrymore, Robbie Schneider, Kevin James, and Chris Rock).

3.       Reinvent yourself.

Believe it or not, you turn 50 in a short few months.  Take the path of Michael Keaton. Put yourself in a position to win an Oscar. You can handle a serious role. Please, we need you to come back to relevance.

ANNOYING GROUP TEXTS

New rule, group texts should be reserved for 4 people or less. There is nothing more irritating then getting a text on January 1^st wishing me and your 40 top friends in your phone back a happy New Year. This kind of thing should be reserved for Facebook only. This way I can chose whether I want to see 30 strangers reply with “you too” as my battery slowly drains. Better yet, if you really want to make it a personal well wish, text me directly…I will answer that. In addition, I don’t want a group text sharing an inane happening in your life like you just bought a cat. Once again this should be reserved to Facebook. If you need a lesson on how to share ordinary moments of your life by mass posting on social media, I can help you with that. I’m an expert.

EASY TV JOBS

Chris Harrison is a 44-yar-old man, who gets to host a reality show called “The Bachelor.” Personally I enjoy the show itself but truth be told, my fifth grade history teacher can host this show and it wouldn’t change the dynamic at all. I don’t begrudge Chris Harrison. He found himself in the right spot in the right time. For the effort of him traveling around the world and uttering the same sentiments constantly like  “this is the final rose” even though everyone can clearly see it on TV and  telling viewers that “it’s the most dramatic episode/finale” even when we know he is just trying to drum up interest . For this he gets paid $60,000 an episode. Most people make less than that in a year. That’s roughly 10-12 episodes a season X2 as there are two Bachelor seasons annually. In other words, over $1million a year to host a dating show. He now has a net worth of $12 million. I swear it’s the easiest freaking job ever.  I mean the shows take up literally 5 months of his year while he can do whatever the hell he wants the other 7 months. Ok, I may be bitter but that’s only because I see other hosts working a little harder. I mean at least Jeff Probst has to sleep on an air mattress while getting bit by ticks on some god forsaken island that no one ever heard of before. Hek, even Pat Sajak has to be clever every once in a while. Although let’s be honest any monkey could do his job too, which gets him $12 million a year. For 35 years this lucky SOB has been getting paid big bucks to watch real people spin a wheel. It’s said that his net worth is $45 million.

I guess none of these compare to the $20 million a year Regis Philbin was making back in the day when “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” was big. That’s right $20 million a year to read questions to a contestant. At least when Alex Trabek does it feels like he actually knows the answers.

FINALLY MY OVERRATED/ UNDERRATED LIST FOR Summer, 2016

Underrated:

1. French Onion Soup- This really is sex of the lips to me. Besides the flavor of the soup, the best parts are the experience is the delightful dipped bread and peeling the cheese from the side of the bowl. I make it a point to order it wherever I go.

2. Adult Coloring Books- I don’t enjoy art much at all but recently my daughter asked me to color with her. I gave in because I love her so much. As it turns out, coloring is quite therapeutic. It’s fun and helps me relive my days as a kid. Try it sometime.

Overrated:

1. Chickie and Pete’s – Just because he (Pete) has 2 dozen locations doesn’t mean the food is that great. Yes, let’s applaud the fact that he discovered how good it is to have old bay seasoning on French fries. Let’s also salute the way he has made his restaurant a go-to location to watch the big game but everything about the place is highly overrated. Part of it is because it’s over-hyped with loads of marketing and endless radio ads. Let’s set the record straight, the crabs are not great and extremely over-priced. His sandwiches are served an rolls so hard it can chip a tooth. Let’s also state that you will always end up waiting for a table and his service staff looks like they hate being there among the yuppies and muscle-heads. That place is like a Kardashin: everyone is always talking about it but there’s not much there.

2. The Beach: For those that know me, understand that for 10-12 weeks every summer since 2005, which is when I met my wife, we go to Long Beach Island. My in-laws have a house and they wine and dine us, which we greatly appreciate but I never understood the  love affair with the Jersey shore. When I was a kid, my family would go on occasion and that was plenty. Maybe I’m simply over-shored these days. Too much of a good thing?  Maybe, I’m at the wrong shore? Possibly. Long Beach Island is more of an adult-oriented place with little to no activity for kids. Its mostly high end restaurants and overpriced ice-cream shops. This can all contribute to my overrated feeling. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but the routine of lotioning up, carrying a bunch of crap to the beach, swim in dirty water and get baked on a hot day with the only reward of staring directly at an ocean for five hours…It just seems like it doesn’t befit a guy with ADD who can’t still for long periods of time.

 I admit, I do like the concept of the shore and of course I love the fact that I can take a weekend to decompress and not feel obligated to be running all over the place. It does force one to put the hustle and bustle of life on hold. It’s just that I feel restricted, sometimes bored and unmoved by the tranquility of water. Oddly, I don’t mind visiting exotic beaches. I loved being in a beach in Nantucket, Venice Beach, Miami beach, Manual Antonio in Costa Rica, Jamaica, Punta Cana, etc…Maybe it’s just the jersey Shore lifestyle that makes me think “Is this all?” Trust me the only good thing about the Jersey Shore is that you can tell your friends you are at the jersey Shore. You are not missing out. Let me reiterate I appreciate and am truly blessed to stay at and hang with my wife’s family. That part I do like. The thing that gets me is when people are like “well you are lucky that you go to the beach all the time. Sometimes my wife invite these people to come down and by Day 2, they are ready to pack it in and go home.

Thanks for reading. I guess I can’t help myself so I will finish with a quick:

Go Phillies and Go HillaryJ