Dear Class of 2012. Congratulations on this momentous
occasion. For many of you this day has been about achievement, dedication,
discipline and diligence, for others it’s about luck, manipulation and the
grace of god. Despite these two paths, all graduates have reached the same
destination, the privilege of wearing really heavy robes in 90 degree weather,
while some stuffy academic hands you a document that certifies your graduation.
A document that only cost you and your family about $100,000 to buy. But don’t
be bitter, when you get your first job three years from now, the deferments on
those school loans will only set your grandchildren back 20 years or so.
The theme of today’s motivating theme is “life is hard.” No,
it really is hard. It sounds cliché but as you will soon realize that the tide of
your life will turn from party-going college student, to bill-paying adult. For
most of you, the realities of the real world will be a monumental adjustment.
Some of you will continue your streak of luck and land jobs that you are
clearly not qualified to lead. You will get this position because the company
either owes your father a few favors or you have a relative running the company
or you are a woman with really nice legs. Honestly these are the only ways a
college graduate gets a good job right out of college.
For others, you will be grossly disappointed. You will end
up sending out thousands of resumes and get little to no response. For the few
responses you do get, there will be in the form of rejection, citing a lack of
job experience, which is a vicious Catch 22 considering you just graduated college
and your only experience are internships and summer camp jobs. After six months
of cursing your diploma, the school loans will begin to come in the mail. Trust
me it won’t be hard for them to find you. They just assume you are living in
your parent’s basement. If you are lucky, your parents will give you cable
television and 3 square meals a day. You will wake up each day and begin to
wonder if you’ll ever work. At first you’ll find solace in watching Kelly Ripa
and Days of Our Lives but eventually these shows become synonymous with “What
the hell is happening to my life, I want to be back in school.”
With time, this phase will eventually pass and you will
finally be offered a low paying job in an unlikely place. A place so
far-fetched from your major that you wonder why the hell they make you pick a
major. For some, it may be a substitute teacher or a Manager at WAWA or playing
a mascot at local theme park or maybe a secretary for some uneducated CEO who
plays golf 4 times a week. Regardless, this job may give you the hopes that you
can one day move out of your parent’s basement. Get use to this because life is
hard.
Then when you least expect it, your love will come along.
Perhaps you meet them at a bar, online or are setup by your local matchmaker.
This person will make your heart got pitter-patter and will make you think
differently about the world. You will begin to think that the lack of career
progression is second-rate compared to deep love you have for your new partner.
You begin to wonder about your future and if the low wage jobs will cut it for
you. You then take a leap of faith and move ahead is to further educate
yourself. You then enroll in a local college to earn a graduate degree in
science, business, math or the arts. Your logical thinking is that an
additional $40,000 in school loans will be equal to another $1,000,000 of money
earned in your life, so it’s worth the risk. Only to find out that everyone has
the same idea thus saturating the market of job seekers with advanced degrees.
It’s just hard.
Eventually you’ll scrape to together a few bucks and get a
nice place for you and your significant other to live. Only to find out that
three years down the road when you begin a family and want a bigger home your
investment turns to shit because of a poor economy. But that’s ok because life
is hard.
What I’m saying kids is that you are not that special. No
really, you are not. Many people will tease you and say that if you dream big
and work hard, you can have anything you want. It’s not true. Only a few
selective people live the perfect dream.
I don’t want you to think that life is filled with
disappointment. No, there will be moments of excitement and progress. There is
no doubt that life will throw you a few bones to slowly gnaw on but generally
you must also navigate your way past a junkyard full of pit bulls without being
bit too hard. Remember, no one recalls when they graduated and no one cares how
they did in College Algebra. You must make the best of these moments and always
remember, life is hard.
