2016 Phillies: Is Help On The Way?

A 7 game improvement over last season. As far as wins and losses, the Phillies are slightly 10% better then they were last season but let’s not kid ourselves, this Phillies team is significantly flawed and I was not satisfied with the overall progress this year. Yes, it’s been hammered into our minds this team has a great farm system, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, my expectation was that after this season The Phillies would need just a few spare parts to compete in 2017. Maybe my hopes were too high but this teams progress was very disappointing (particularly in the area of pitching) and had it not been for an amazing managerial performance, this could have easily been a 60-win team. Let’s dive into each position and discover where we went wrong and or occasionally, we went right this season.

OUTFIELD

The Phillies struck gold last season with Odubel Herrera. This guy is a 5-tool player who we picked up in a Rule 5 Draft. Yes, he had his brain-freeze moments but overall, he was our best overall player and a deserving all-star this season. The outlook for next year is he may play a corner outfield position. I’m ok with this. He is a bonifide solid everyday MLB outfielder who will bat .290, steal 25 plus bases, slap 15 homeruns and play solid defense for the next 8-10 years.

Other then Herrera, next year’s outfield is a complete mess. The hope coming into the season was that Aaron Altheer would be the guy. He looks from the outside like a nice athletic guy who can hit for average and power and play above average defense. There is no other way to spin this, he stinks. Yes, I know he only played 1/3 of this season because of an injury but he stunk last year too and he was equally bad this year. He is at best a 5^th outfielder on an average MLB team.

The other OF position was vacated this season by Peter Bourjos, an MLB veteran with limited power and a mediocre batting average. He was a placeholder for future minor league superstar, Nick Williams. However, Williams never emerged this season. Williams showed flashes of brilliance but also got benched for lackadaisical running efforts and poor work ethic. He finished this season in the minor leagues with no late-season call up. This forced the Phillies to trot out the forgettable Bourjos and his thrilling .240 average. Yes, Nick Williams still has time to emerge in 2017 but 2016 is a setback, which forces the Phillies to wait longer for his arrival and ultimately forcing them to go out and get another Bourjos type player.

As for the other corner outfield position. The Cody Asche experiment has now come to a screeching halt. Like Altheer it is evident that Asche, despite seeming like a good dude, is a career 5^th outfielder on an average MLB baseball team. The Phillies tried to strike gold with another Rule 5 guy, Tyler Goeddel. He did have a hell of a month in May but eventually his talent caught up with him. I can’t fault the Phillies on this one. They have generally been successful lately in nabbing under the radar Rule 5 guys….Tyler Goeddel is not one of them.

That leaves us with Roman Quinn. I give Roman an incomplete grade. He did not play enough for me to gauge a strong opinion. I will say, I feel more optimistic than pessimistic about him but an overall evaluation of this year’s outfield leads me to believe me that we have 1 solid guy for next year in Herrera. We got 1 maybe in Quinn, 1 prayer in Nick Williams. Phillies will need to pay for a big bat in the other corner OF position until we can see if Dylan Cozins or Phillies teaches Rhys Hoskins to play RF.

Yes, Cozins and Hoskins (moving him from 1) each deserve to be looked at with their epic years in the minors but I need to see them each go up one level before anointing them the next great saviors.

INFIELD

I was pretty satisfied with our infield this season. It’s something to be encouraged about. Despite a few small injuries and a few bad 0-fers this season, Franco is a terrific 3B. He demonstrated he can be a solid .250 hitter who can drive the ball to all sides of the park and hit with consistent power. I’d like to see his average go to .280 and be more selective at the plate but overall I was somewhat encouraged by his first full season. It should also be noted that he is an amazing defender and will be fun to watch for years to come.

I am NOT a Freddy Galvis fan. I think his 20+ homers was more an aberration rather then something we will see consistently. However, I can’t deny his productive season. We do seem to have short-term memories and forget he was demoted briefly when he was batting under .100 for a large chunk of last season. With that being said, I tip my hat to the guy. He is possibly the best fielding SS in the league and if he can somehow replicate his power numbers next year then I can live with his .241 batting average. I do think the Phillies think more highly of him than Cesar Hernandez. I think they are vastly two different players. Hernandez is a more consistent hitter but Galvis is a better fielder. I feel like the Phillies will try to trade Hernandez this off season because he is cheap, has good value and they need a spot for top prospect JP Crawford to play in the middle infield (Not sure if Crawford will be at 2B and Galvis at SS or its more plausible that Crawford goes to SS and Galvis moves to 2B.) Regardless, I would keep both Galvis and Hernandez until Crawford can prove he is proven big leaguer.

The reason I’d keep both of these guys is because I am not confident in JP Crawford. Hence my theme: Is Help on the Way? For the last 3-4 years, I have been stroked and eased to think JP Crawford is the next coming of Jesus. Instead, he appears to be the next coming of Dom Brown. He hit his way into another .250 season of AAA and the fact that he was NOT called up late in the season is a reason to be concerned.

The most optimistic thing to come out of 2016 is the maturation of Tommy Joseph. This is Ryan Howards last year as a Phillie. You don’t need Scooby Doo to solve that mystery. The bigger mystery coming into 2016 was who would take his place in 2017? The Darrin Ruf experience came to a roaring end but finally having Tommy Joseph healthy and productive is the best news to come out of this season. You can book him as a 30-35 homerun threat at 1B each season and that’s all we need at a 1B.

Catching is an interesting and incomplete story yet to be written. What we learned is that Cameron Rupp is a really solid pro. He is better defensive catcher then most give him credit for. I am NOT yet sold on him as an everyday guy. This role will be hopefully filled by Alfaro (another highly touted prospect). It’s unfair to judge him on a small sampling size but I hope he shows more promise next season. The backup situation here is Andrew Knapp. I’m fairly confident that either Alfaro or Knapp will emerge as a solid catching guy but if not, I’m ok with Rupp playing lots of games one more season till we figure it out. The bottom-line is we have options and I feel good about that.

PITCHING

We must separate this into two very defined evaluations here:

STARTERS and RELIEVERS

Let’s begin with Starters:

I see Matt Klentaks strategy here. He came in with 2 decent/ cheap/ stop-gap veterans (Hellickson and Morton). Each knew their role was to come in for a year and pack for the next city. This would leave 3 spots in the rotation to watch our baby aces. As it turns out Hellickson pitched beautifully. I wish him luck next year as he has earned his raise. Morton got hurt early on. Thus we got heavy doses of:

NOLA- He pitched well early on then looked bad then got injured, which is probably why he looked bad. I give him the benefit of the doubt because he looked solid in 2015. I think it’s very reasonable to expect him to come back in 2017 and be a solid #2 guy in the rotation. He can be a guy who pitches next season to a healthy 3.30 – 3.50 ERA.

EICKOFF- Not much to add except that he was by far our best pitcher this year and 2^nd best player on the team behind Odubel. You can plug him in next year as a solid #3 guy with a projected ERA in the 3.6 – 3.8 range.  

Valasquez – Vinny from South Philly is quite an arm. When not getting injured, you can find him striking out tons of batters. The issue is he throws a lot of pitches and does not go deep into games. I do feel comfortable plugging him in as a #5 starter who will float in the 4.00- 4.20 ERA range next season. I am quite comfortable with that. What I’m not comfortable with is getting him for a huge bullpen piece like Ken Giles. Most will say, closers are easiest to replace. I will prove to you that IT IS NOT TRUE. I will also say that #5 starters can be picked off the scrapheap. You don’t need to trade a premium bullpen arm. With that being said, the Phillies move into 2017 with guys I feel will make up 3/5 of the starters. The other encouraging news is they are all young. So we have them for a while.

Let’s explore what else we learned.

Jake Thompson: He was brutal in his first few starts. He started to come around near the end of the season. Being as that he had limited starts but was really solid in AAA most of this year, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and plug him in as #4 guy next year.

Zach Eflin: Like Thompson he started awful and then started to pick things up. Then he got hurt again and pitched like crap. Truth is I don’t know what we can expect of him. On paper, he looks solid but we had a lot of young prospects look good on paper (Remember Brandon Duckworth?)

Alec Asher is intriguing. He was a toss in player in the Hamels trade. In his limited time this year, he looked really solid. At the very least, he deserves to come in and compete for a starter position next season.

Adam Morgan is trash and won’t be on the big league squad next year.

The outlook for next year’s starters is slightly optimistic. Because of uncertainty with health and inexperience, the Phillies will need to find another stop-gap guy to fill the pseudo #1 role. It will likely be a guy who is solid #2 somewhere else right now. This may sound like an out of box idea but the best thing the Phillies can do is move Vinny Vasquez as a number 5 starter to the closer role. I know this sounds insane but the Phillies will strangely have some depth at starting pitching next season. Because of how hard he throws and the limitations of pitch count it seems as though he would be a far more productive contributor to this team as a closer.

RELIEF PITCHING

Let me just come out and say this. I predicted at the beginning of the season that this is THE WORST part of the team. I don’t take pride in being right but it was easy to see. When you are taking 6^th inning mop up guys and making him the 4^th option as a closer, you knew it was doomed to fail. To Gomez credit, he stayed solid for 90% of the season and then opponents caught up with his low velocity fastball. I’m frustrated and angry about the lack of effort and thought given to the bullpen. I am not exaggerating when I say that it’s not only the worse Phillies bullpen I’ve seen in my lifetime but by far the worst in MLB this season. You had 1 reliable guy, Hector Neris. You had no viable closer, no situational lefty or even a solid veteran to get you key outs. The only free agent signing last off-season for the Phillies was David Hernandez. I agree with Klentak on signing a veteran bullpen guy, I would have not wasted my time with Hernandez who floated around with a 4.00 ERA most season.

Besides Neris, there is a chance Ramos can be possible 7^th inning option in 2017. Other then that, there is literally no other guy I would have back on this team. I am not only frustrated but genuinely offended that they trot out guys like Frank Herman, Colton Murray, Marriot Hotels (hek give me Paris Hilton).  Shuster? Who the hell are these guys? The Phillies taut they have this amazing farm system with top class arms. I know it’s not sexy to pitch in the bullpen but what good is it having s solid starter when your bullpen can’t hold the lead?

The good news is the Phillies would easily have 10 more wins this season with a reliable bullpen. The bad news is we need 5 new guys to go with Ramos and Neris next season. If I were Klentak, I would literally find the best 4 free agent bullpen guys (I’m guessing they all earn 1-2 million dollars) and sign them. I would toss in Neris and Ramos. Then I’d plug in Vinny from South Philly as the loser.

MANAGER

With this lackluster roster and 71 wins, I would give Mackanin an A+ this season. He was forthright, stern and pushed the right buttons most of the time. He was way better then I expected and he deserves a chance to manage with better players. Not much more can be said. I don’t have a strong opinion about the other coaches but I would consider bringing most of them all back. The 71-wins are less a reflection on the major league managers and more of a reflection of the GM and minor league instructors preparing the prospects.

I give Klentak a mulligan. The good news is we won more games then in 2015 so that’s a nugget to leave with. He deserves a chance to see this process through but I’m slowly seeing that a 2017 will at best be an 80 win team as opposed to a 90 win team that I was hoping for.

My Wish list for 2017

Power-Hitting Corner Outfielder

Viable and Versatile Bench players (like Blanco but younger)

4 veteran reputable relievers (preferably a lefty-specialist) 

End Of Summer Brain Thoughts!!

Welcome to another edition of Life in My Brain. Like last month, I feel as though its best if I try to focus my blog on issues not related to sports or politics. If interested you can go to www.presidentialpoliticsonline.com to quench that thirst. For now, I’d like to comment on current events, culture and the mundane things in life such as:

WHERE THE HELL IS DAVID HASSELHOFF

Hello Hoff, where are you? The last time we heard from this American Treasure was almost a year ago, when he hinted at changing his last name from Hasselhoff to simply, Hoff. Really, it took 63-years of his life to make this dramatic decision? I mean the last name was what made him great. I mean that and his golden pipes. The guy is a triple threat and an internet sensation. Oh, how we miss those slow-motion bouncing pecks in Baywatch (Let the record show that it was more of a bemusement then adoration for another man’s pecks). Oh, how we miss drunken Hoff eating cheeseburgers off the floor. Truth be told, they were IN-And-Out burgers, which are so delicious and demand to be eaten from almost any surface. Hek, I miss the man who was an awesome judge on “Americas Got Talent.” Come back Hoff!! The people of Germany don’t deserve you like we do.

I HATE TWO CHIPS

Chip Kelly and the new credit card chip. Since I pledged no sports, lets stick with my hatred for the new credit card chip. I get it, we need to prevent data breaches and identity theft. No one knows this better than me. My identity was stolen twice in 2007. Thank goodness my credit score now sucks and I don’t have to worry about identity theft ever againJ However, can we PLEASE go back to what GOD intended for consumers, swipe purchases. I don’t like anything about the new chip machines. I don’t like inserting my card like an ATM and then the disappoint that nothing comes out at the end. I don’t like remembering 4 digit codes because who among us can remember our kid’s birthdates for Christ sakes? Most of all, I don’t like the nasty attitude the chip machine gives me when my card is inserted too long. Hey pal, you can buzz at someone else. For now, I am boycotting stores with chip machines. I’ll stick luck with stores who are not as data compliant.

PEDICURES

I have a confession. I went into a nail salon the other day… with my mother. She had her tips refilled? I went for my regular pedicure. That’s right, I said “regular pedicure.” Yes, I will also profess that I enjoy it and yes, I always make small talk with the technician touching my feet.

Because:

A.      It would be rude not to

B.      I feel it’s important to tell her about my wife and daughter so that she doesn’t think I’m playing for the other team….not that there’s anything wrong with that....except the general perception that heterosexual married men don’t like pedicures. Boy, they are pretty damn amazing. Here is what men can expect:

1.       20 amazing minutes of a vibrating massage chair.

2.       A person other than yourself willing to touch your dank toe nails and clipping them like an Edward Scissorhands masterpiece.

3.       A warm foot bath.

4.       A sponge bath for the bottom of your feet and heel. Yes, it is an awesome scrub down.

5.       A person willing to dig in and massage in between your toes.

6.       A filing down of your toes nails/ picking a way at nail tucked in your side toe skin. Not particularly the best part but needed for sure.

7.       Gelling and deep ankle, foot and shin massage. Purely delightful.

All of this for like $20 and a tip. I get my feet done around 4-5 times a year. I’m not ashamed and if I had the money it would be a weekly occurrence. You can mock me, take my man card and deny me a seat in your man cave but you can’t knock it till you try it.

I know this isn’t the manly thing to do but I’m going to dime out another highly hetero man who loves his Pedi (Real men can say Pedi instead of Pedicure). His name is Seth Pollock. He and I actually experienced our first pedicures together a week before I was married. We filmed it…it was funny then…funny now but there is truth to funniness and pedicures are no joke.

GENE WILDER DIED

When I heard the news, I’ll tell you what I thought. I thought he was already dead. You know what else I thought? There sure are a lot of Gene Wilder fans out there in the social media world. It appears everyone was a fan of his…on the day that he died. Where was everyone’s proclamation for the love his work on social media last year? Last month? Last week? It has dawned on me that we only truly become a fan of celebrities when they die. Thus I would like to take this opportunity to tell certain celebrities how much I love and appreciate them before they leave this earth.

1.       Steve Martin – You were amazing man. Love your work on the Banjo

2.       Allen Iverson – Shit man, your crossover killed but no one should be surprised that you died this young with your lifestyle (not appropriate?)

3.       Betty White: It was a hell of a run. You were the last living person who spoke to Moses.

4.       John Travolta – A much better actor then pilot we have now learned.

5.       MEATLOAF – How ironic of you to die on stage while singing “Heaven Can Wait”

6.       Doris Day- Really, you were still alive

7.       Lindsey Lohan or Miley Cyrus – You should have not mixed those prescriptions. We will miss one or probably both of you.

8.       Dr. Ruth – You are sex doctor. You should have known that technique was going to kill you.

9.       Clarence Thomas – I’m guessing they will blame this one on an Obama or a Clinton.

10.   Jack Hanna – Yes, alligators have sharp teeth. I thought you were an expert.

STAND FOR YOUR COUNTRY

I’d like to take a stand on Colin Kapernicks defiance to stand during the anthem and presentation of our flag. Once again, one can argue that my blog entry is dabbling into sports since he is an NFL Quarterback. It’s not. His refusal to stand has nothing to with the game itself. I also don’t see this as political fodder either. You can protest something and not have it be political. I’d like to theoretically protest my wife’s cooking and that would not be political but it may end up with her walloping me in my man zone. Ok, Ill eat the damn kale.

My take is that I believe in protesting….as long as it doesn’t involve blocking traffic. As an American citizen, Colin Kapernick has the right to protest whatever he wants and I support that. I also believe that he has the right to sit down and not participate in the festivities of the flag and country.

Here is where I disagree with Colin Kapernick. I honestly don’t see the correlation here and I may be alone here. Yes, he lives in America and America is NOT great at everything we do. Big surprise. We live in a country with Kardashians and that’s not so great, so should I not salute the flag because I think our country immortalizes talentless socialites? We also have the largest obesity problem in the world, so should I not salute flag because our kids are fat and out of shape? I also don’t like how rich people don’t pay their fair share of taxes. The point is there is a lot to dislike about things happening in America. This includes the small percentage of overzealous cops killing innocent people (most of them of color). It’s not right. Its’s not fair but it’s also not what the flag stands for either.

“The flag still stands for freedom and they can’t take that away” Lee Greenwood famously sang. He also said we are “Proud to Be an American.” You know why? Because there is more right in this country then there is wrong. Kapernick feels as though a certain group of people are oppressed and targeted. I would say, what about the Gays, the Jews, The Muslims, WOMEN!!! Should they sit for the flag ceremony too. What about those who don’t like the Kardashians, the obesity rate or self-loathing rich people who don’t pay taxes? Anyone that has a general complaint about something wrong in America should sit? So we should all sit? Or we should all move to a country where things are much better. Like Syria?North Korea? Iran?  You see my point?

When I think of the flag, I think of men and women in the military who fight for causes that may not always align with their political philosophies but do it anyway in the pursuit that we can all live in a free country. When I think of the flag, I think of immigrants with only the cloths on the back who wanted to start a new life for their kids, grand-kids and future family. I think of John McCain himself (not to be political) but the man can’t lift his hands above his head because of the torture he took in Vietnam for being a person who honored that flag.

If Colin Kapernick wants to protest by marching outside his Police District that would be more honorable and sensible for his cause being heard in the right forum..

Farewell to Josh Innes

I’m sad. Maybe I shouldn’t be sad because there are so many things in the life to worry about such as Zika, the cost of Starbucks, the outlook of my fantasy football team, Ryan Lochtes bleached head and the curious discontinuance of sardines in a can. However, I must say that the recent firing of my favorite Philadelphia radio host, Josh Innes has flipped my world upside down.

I spend a lot of time in my car and talk radio keeps me both informed and entertained. I admit that the vast majority of people who read my blog don’t know who Josh Innes is (or for that matter are wondering how to operate the FM dial in their cars since they are simply cool with their MP3 setups).

Josh is a relatively young (30) radio journeyman, who was hired to do sports talk in a city where he has never lived. Oddly, he grew up in the radio business. His father voiced the character of Scooby-Doo and Josh took an interest in radio. He began his career in his teens doing, of all things, VERY minor league hockey play-by-play. But in essence that’s what I loved about Josh’s brand of radio. He is not one of those guys who was simply given anything in life. He earned it. He circled his career through various other spots like New Orleans and Houston.

Here is the knock on Josh while talking sports in Philadelphia: He was NOT one of us. Boo, I didn’t realize that was a qualifier. Actually, there are many great hosts at that station not from around here. In fact, more are NOT from around here then are from around here. The other knock on Josh was that he was brash and unapologetic. This is actually true but it is also what made him interesting. He was douche-like but he wore it like a badge of honor and even invited civil discourse with callers and radio competitors.

We really don’t know what ultimately got him fired. Reports are that he towed the lines with a controversial race topic that bruised the image of his main radio adversary. I actually believe that he was simply not the cup of tea for his boss (Programming Director). His ousting was simply a formality built upon many documented controversies that trailed Josh Innes in his time in Philadelphia.  The sadder part of this story is that I think Josh just doesn’t care. He knows he is talented and in my opinion, he looks at each radio job as car lease that expires after a certain period of time. He never ingratiated himself with the local crowd because it felt like everyone knew the eventual outcome. That outcome was he was a rental talent, who is now taking his show elsewhere and that’s a shame for us and for him.

It matters to me because I really enjoyed the vibe of his show and now I’ll make life adjustments in my afternoon drive home. It’s also another instance where I realized where my life could have been many years ago. I was a radio student in the late 90’s and I still feel a passion for that industry. I came to an intersection of my life, where I realized that if I pursued this life, I probably would have had a little bit of the Josh Innes flavor in my personality and that partially meant that I’d be going from city to city every few years restarting my life and that’s something I could ever stomach. I bid Josh Innes a Philly farewell and wish him luck in whatever city hires him for the next two years.

Sticklers for Grammar

Many of you have carefully read every word of my blog. I thank you for that and I thank you for your readership. Most likely there will be some out there who read this and will send me very critical emails about my terrible grammar. To that I say, I don’t give a shit. I mean I care to the extent where I want my words to be coherent and meaningful. However, I also believe that there are very things in the world as irritating as the grammar police. They are especially irritating when they get up on their high horse of literary excellence and often misspell or put their semicolons where they don’t belong too.

Here’s a general guide where grammar counts:

1.       Newspaper Reporters: I mean this is their job and most of these rags have professional editors to sharpen this stuff up.

2.       Lawyers: Once again. Depositions, working documents and legal papers kind of require grammatical excellence here.

3.       College Papers: I mean we are getting graded here. We should put some effort into it.

Here is where grammar is not as important

1.       Emails. They are kind of informal and don’t require more than just a simple spellcheck (Even that’s a courtesy depending on the sender)

2.       Blogs: No one here is getting paid or being graded.

The more I think about it, the more my blood boils for these Deciphers of Punctuation Excellence Standards (DOPES). They have nothing better today than to needle, nag and poke in an area that no one but themselves really true care about.

This last entry as not directed at any one individuals but rather to the group of DOPES who troll informal mediums of communication to mindfully point out missing commas, I say “Get a Life!”

Until next time America!

WHATS BEEN IN MY BRAIN!! Summer, 2016

Today I’m offering a Potpourri of things in my brain. There been a lot of thoughts simmering in my brain these past few months and I can’t hold them back any more. FGenerally, my life revolves around Spolotics (Sports and Politics). I’m happy to report that nothing in my blog entry is related to Sports or Politics.

SADNESS IN DALLAS

Some would like to believe that what happened in Dallas is political. I think it’s apolitical. Some may also believe that #BlackLivesMatter is political. It is not. It’s a movement to bring awareness to the suggested unfair treatment of Blacks in America. With the rash of violent deaths, particularly at the hands of police it has made this movement unavoidable and made it a powder keg ready to explode.  Clearly this is what occurred in Dallas last week when a mad man took vengeance upon officers who had nothing to do with the deaths of black men tragically killed by police earlier in that week. All 3 incidents on consecutive days was sickening, disheartening and tragic. We don’t need to be Liberals or Conservatives to agree on that. As a matter of cultural simplicity, practicality and love and lets agree on this premise:  #BlackLivesMatter,do matter as do JewishLivesMatter, WomenLivesMatter, ChildrenLivesMatter, PetLivesMatter…All humans matter. This includes officers; most who take their jobs seriously and often make split-second life and death decisions. Let’s just all agree that every life is equal despite ones skin color, religion, class or occupation. Let’s all make and effort  to not prejudge and or take matters into our own hands. As a father and a husband, I hope we can restore American civility and protest without provoking other tragic events like the ones we have seen this past few weeks.

OUTSOURCING AMERICAS GOT TALENT

Americas Got Talent (AGT) is one of my guilty television pleasures. It’s fun, entertaining and just makes me feel happy after a long day of work. However, I am oddly bothered by a glaring inconsistency on the show. There are versions of this show around the world. In England, you will find Britain’s Got Talent, where you can see the acts and the judges are all from the UK. There are literally 4 dozen plus “Got Talents” around the world. Such as India, Iceland and Italy. Each has judges and talent of that countries nationality. We live in one of the largest countries in the world (350 million people living here. Many are super-talented). Yet we have a show with 4 judges, none of whom are actually American (2 from England, 1 from Canada and 1 from Germany). I’m not saying our judges aren’t great talent scouts. It’s just odd they can’t hire 1 American to be a panel judge. I’m not even going to bring up the many contestants who are also NON-Americans…At least the host is American.

GREETING CARDS

Can someone please explain the point of Greeting Cards? Firstly, the cost of these cards has become outrageous. Why do I need to spend $5 on a card that has someone else’s words that may describe how I feel about my loved one on that significant day, which by the way also ironically are the words that describe thousands of others who purchased that same card to express to their loved ones how they also feel on that special day. It’s just ridiculous. For now on I’m going verbal on greeting cards. This is how it will work. When I see you, I will find something clever to say like “Happy Anniversary” or “I’m super proud that you graduated from high school” or “Congrats on the divorce.” For those special celebrations like Valentine’s Day, I may take my wife to the CVS, let her read are the cards on the rack. Maybe I’ll let her take a picture of the card and let her have that fond memory. By the way, if my kid happens to be invited to your kids 3^rd birthday party, we hope that you will forgive us as we write a special “Happy Birthday Message on a small square piece of overpriced wrapping paper. Trust me, your kid won’t care, they can’t read anyway. Also, you can do the same for my kid because we toss the card after we take the money out first.

FASHION TRENDS

Let’s be honest, no man looks good in skinny jeans. It looks dumb and it’s not scoring any points with women who just assume you have a perpetual wedgie. Stop wearing these, your butt cheeks thank you too. Also, I am equally annoyed by people who wear oversized sunglasses. Unless you are a clown, your glasses should only cover the part of the body they are intended for, your eyes not your entire orbital region.  It looks you are just screaming for attention. Also with fashion, do men really need scarves accessories? Especially in the spring and summer evenings. A nice wool scarf to protect you from frigid weather temperatures is all one needs.

THE DOWNFALL OF ADAM SANDLER

Attention Adam Sandler: Really? “Just Go with It” in 2011 was your last good movie and that movie was sandwiched in between a lot of crappy movies. I was insulted by your vanity movie “Grown Ups.” I was equally insulted by your friend reunion on camera with “Grown Ups 2.” So we now have to live on “Billy Madison”, “Happy Gilmore” and “Big Daddy” for the rest of our lives? Please dude  come back? You are better than that. Here is my career resurgence advice:

1.       Ditch the voices that got you through the 90’s

2.       Ditch the fun and cute sidekicks that got you through the 2000’s (Drew Barrymore, Robbie Schneider, Kevin James, and Chris Rock).

3.       Reinvent yourself.

Believe it or not, you turn 50 in a short few months.  Take the path of Michael Keaton. Put yourself in a position to win an Oscar. You can handle a serious role. Please, we need you to come back to relevance.

ANNOYING GROUP TEXTS

New rule, group texts should be reserved for 4 people or less. There is nothing more irritating then getting a text on January 1^st wishing me and your 40 top friends in your phone back a happy New Year. This kind of thing should be reserved for Facebook only. This way I can chose whether I want to see 30 strangers reply with “you too” as my battery slowly drains. Better yet, if you really want to make it a personal well wish, text me directly…I will answer that. In addition, I don’t want a group text sharing an inane happening in your life like you just bought a cat. Once again this should be reserved to Facebook. If you need a lesson on how to share ordinary moments of your life by mass posting on social media, I can help you with that. I’m an expert.

EASY TV JOBS

Chris Harrison is a 44-yar-old man, who gets to host a reality show called “The Bachelor.” Personally I enjoy the show itself but truth be told, my fifth grade history teacher can host this show and it wouldn’t change the dynamic at all. I don’t begrudge Chris Harrison. He found himself in the right spot in the right time. For the effort of him traveling around the world and uttering the same sentiments constantly like  “this is the final rose” even though everyone can clearly see it on TV and  telling viewers that “it’s the most dramatic episode/finale” even when we know he is just trying to drum up interest . For this he gets paid $60,000 an episode. Most people make less than that in a year. That’s roughly 10-12 episodes a season X2 as there are two Bachelor seasons annually. In other words, over $1million a year to host a dating show. He now has a net worth of $12 million. I swear it’s the easiest freaking job ever.  I mean the shows take up literally 5 months of his year while he can do whatever the hell he wants the other 7 months. Ok, I may be bitter but that’s only because I see other hosts working a little harder. I mean at least Jeff Probst has to sleep on an air mattress while getting bit by ticks on some god forsaken island that no one ever heard of before. Hek, even Pat Sajak has to be clever every once in a while. Although let’s be honest any monkey could do his job too, which gets him $12 million a year. For 35 years this lucky SOB has been getting paid big bucks to watch real people spin a wheel. It’s said that his net worth is $45 million.

I guess none of these compare to the $20 million a year Regis Philbin was making back in the day when “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” was big. That’s right $20 million a year to read questions to a contestant. At least when Alex Trabek does it feels like he actually knows the answers.

FINALLY MY OVERRATED/ UNDERRATED LIST FOR Summer, 2016

Underrated:

1. French Onion Soup- This really is sex of the lips to me. Besides the flavor of the soup, the best parts are the experience is the delightful dipped bread and peeling the cheese from the side of the bowl. I make it a point to order it wherever I go.

2. Adult Coloring Books- I don’t enjoy art much at all but recently my daughter asked me to color with her. I gave in because I love her so much. As it turns out, coloring is quite therapeutic. It’s fun and helps me relive my days as a kid. Try it sometime.

Overrated:

1. Chickie and Pete’s – Just because he (Pete) has 2 dozen locations doesn’t mean the food is that great. Yes, let’s applaud the fact that he discovered how good it is to have old bay seasoning on French fries. Let’s also salute the way he has made his restaurant a go-to location to watch the big game but everything about the place is highly overrated. Part of it is because it’s over-hyped with loads of marketing and endless radio ads. Let’s set the record straight, the crabs are not great and extremely over-priced. His sandwiches are served an rolls so hard it can chip a tooth. Let’s also state that you will always end up waiting for a table and his service staff looks like they hate being there among the yuppies and muscle-heads. That place is like a Kardashin: everyone is always talking about it but there’s not much there.

2. The Beach: For those that know me, understand that for 10-12 weeks every summer since 2005, which is when I met my wife, we go to Long Beach Island. My in-laws have a house and they wine and dine us, which we greatly appreciate but I never understood the  love affair with the Jersey shore. When I was a kid, my family would go on occasion and that was plenty. Maybe I’m simply over-shored these days. Too much of a good thing?  Maybe, I’m at the wrong shore? Possibly. Long Beach Island is more of an adult-oriented place with little to no activity for kids. Its mostly high end restaurants and overpriced ice-cream shops. This can all contribute to my overrated feeling. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but the routine of lotioning up, carrying a bunch of crap to the beach, swim in dirty water and get baked on a hot day with the only reward of staring directly at an ocean for five hours…It just seems like it doesn’t befit a guy with ADD who can’t still for long periods of time.

 I admit, I do like the concept of the shore and of course I love the fact that I can take a weekend to decompress and not feel obligated to be running all over the place. It does force one to put the hustle and bustle of life on hold. It’s just that I feel restricted, sometimes bored and unmoved by the tranquility of water. Oddly, I don’t mind visiting exotic beaches. I loved being in a beach in Nantucket, Venice Beach, Miami beach, Manual Antonio in Costa Rica, Jamaica, Punta Cana, etc…Maybe it’s just the jersey Shore lifestyle that makes me think “Is this all?” Trust me the only good thing about the Jersey Shore is that you can tell your friends you are at the jersey Shore. You are not missing out. Let me reiterate I appreciate and am truly blessed to stay at and hang with my wife’s family. That part I do like. The thing that gets me is when people are like “well you are lucky that you go to the beach all the time. Sometimes my wife invite these people to come down and by Day 2, they are ready to pack it in and go home.

Thanks for reading. I guess I can’t help myself so I will finish with a quick:

Go Phillies and Go HillaryJ

MY SAM HINKIE MANIFESTO

I admit it. I was wrong about Sam Hinkie. When he was hired by the Sixers in May, 2013 I thought he was the savior. As an analytics guy, I was in favor of the Sixers out-of-the box approach. After all, Hinkie was credited as the guy who helped the Rockets build a team that reached the playoffs 4 of his 8 year there. He was a young, savvy Stanford suit who stood out and has early success in an NBA front office.

When he came to the Sixers, I steadfastly put my faith in him and closed my eyes to the awful stink that he was about to purposely bestow upon our team. We as fans have come to realize that mediocrity in ANY sport is the worst place to live. For most teams it means narrowly missing the playoffs but not being bad enough to land an impact player in the draft to follow thereafter. As it pertains to basketball, getting a top pick is the ONLY way to get better.

In Hinkie’s  first month with the team, he made a number of transactions, which led me to believe that he was truly as advertised. He was an analytics savant.  He traded Jrue Holiday for draft picks that essentially became Nerlens Noel (A very solid starting center) and Michael Carter Williams (Eventual Rookie of the Year). He started deconstructing the team (not a hard feat) but in the process he cleared some tremendous cap space, which is a big component in a salary cap league. I thought we were on our way. Things were looking up.

I must say that I thought Sam Hinkie did the best job possible in year one to fix much of our rosters mess. I didn’t like my team tanking an entire season but I knew it was a necessary evil attributed to the lousy rules set forth by the NBA. Losing was truly the only way to get better. For an entire year, our basketball team was clearing the way for the Andrew Wiggins Sweepstakes….Ah it seems like just yesterday it was all about #WinlessForWiggins

WHERE DID HINKIE GO WRONG

I admit I am not a basketball expert. I am pretty good at detecting bullshit like I saw when the Lakers sold the Sixers a bag of bad goods in the name of Andrew Bynum in 2012. In 9 years of the NBA (a good measuring stick), Bynum had averaged 11 points and 7 rebounds a game. Yet when he came to Philadelphia, you would have thought he was the next Wilt Chamberlain. It was such a big deal that the team had to reserve a large venue like the Constitution Center to welcome him into town. This was a year before Hinkie, so Hinkie clearly was not to blame for that colossal mistake. In fact it was that move that ended up getting Dileo and Collins fired but there was still a lesson to be learned here. Never take on an average big man with a history of injuries and a mediocre playing career.

Do you know who got that message? Of all teams, the Cleveland Cavaliers  when they bypassed an often-injured kid out of Cameroon.  20 games of college basketball, averaging 11 points, 7 rebounds and 2 major injuries by the time he was only 19-years-old. The worst thing to happen to Sam Hinkies career could have been easily avoided if Joel Embiid just stayed healthy up to draft day. Here's what would have occurred:

Embiid would have then been selected by the Cavaliers, Hinkie would have had a no-brainer with Wiggins, the tanking would have ceased at that point and the Sixers would look completely different. It is in my humble opinion that the best thing Sam Hinkie could have done was trade the number 3 pick for a proven NBA starter or some way found a way to trade up.

I’d rather not go deep into what has become of Joel Embiid as the “Trust The Processers” will all say it was the right move even though it has proven not to be. What it did was force Hinkie to go into a completely new direction. That direction was draft Saric, a guy who was contractually obligated to play in Croatia for another few years. Thus the result of 2014 was having a team with the worst record in the league and NOT getting a single player in the draft who could play for you the following season. In other words, Hinkie made a conscious move to tank a 2^nd year in a row. A precedent rarely practiced in league plagued by its own rules.

Once again Hinkie spent the year making paper moves by acquiring picks (i.e. assets) managing cap space and exercising his “optionality”. Even as I started to jump off the Hinkie bandwagon, I thought to myself, Carter Williams, Noel will look good in 2015 with a top draft pick and a healthy Embiid (even though my head never believed in a productive Embiid my heart said tried to imagine).  But then Hinkie evolved from a NBA GM to a Fantasy Basketball GM. He inexplicably ships Carter Williams off in favor of a Lakers draft pick, which will probably be a mid-rounder in 2017. He is now treating his players like “Gypsys” as described by his own head coach.

In the beginning of 2015, we learn that Embiid is still not healthy and now it’s clear that Sam Hinkie is actually Harold Hill and the players of Philadelphia were sold musical instruments without anyone knowing how to play them. Sam Hinkies process has been thwarted. To me the derailment of the process came down to two very defined moments, June 20^th, 2014 when Embiid went under the knife and June 26^th, 2014 when Sam Hinkie said, no problem he’ll be healthy and good for next year. Everything Sam Hinkie did after that was him trying to catch up to the curve.

The Sixers are in Year 3 of rebuilding with very little to show. Yes, we have a handful of picks coming up this year but nothing to go along with it? Let’s review the quality roster:

Nerlens Noel, who I always believed was a solid above average NBA’er and Jahlil Okafor a legitimate NBA all-star, who by the way fell on our lap because the Lakers took D’Angelo Russell. 

Everyone else on our team are borderline NBA bench players and most are developmental league guys.  We have nothing tangible to show for three years of tanking. Sure the “Process Trusters” will tell us about Saric, who I have a vibe may be a solid NBA player, if he ever comes over to play with a lifeless team.  They also want to remind us that Embiid is back from his rehab in Qatar and looks outstanding in warm-ups.  But this has been their line the last two years and probably will be their line 5 years from now too. Embiid is the 2^nd best Sixer to ever be in a warm-up…Bynum being the 1^st.

Some will say, I know nothing about basketball. I am 5-foot 7-inch un-athletic  dreamer who averaged  exactly 1 point a game in a neighborhood league. Go Bustleton Bengals!! This may be true but I haven’t seen anything great in what Sam Hinkie has done beyond his 1^st year other then write an epic resignation letter. Hinkie IS not a fraud. I believe he had good intentions and got in over his head.  I still believe in analytics just not his analytics. I prefer the kind of analytics that breeds positive results. I am a fan but also a realist and I do feel bad for those fans who have been played for a fool these last two years. I feel ashamed because I was all in after his first year.

Sam Hinkie will be more successful then I will ever be in doing something utilizing his brain-power. I’m not better or smarter then Hinkie and by the way, I’m not sure the Colangelo family is either. I wish I knew the right solution but right now I am just getting through the problem. My gut tells me that the Sixers  will be marginally better next season. Of course they will as they can’t get much worse. We will likely have a Top 3 pick and two more picks in the tail-end of round 1. Maybe I’m wrong and Embiid is the savior (Although it’s simply hard to see this happening based on the trajectory of his adulthood so far). What I am pretty sure is that the Sixers may climb their way back to mediocrity this season, which is exactly where they were in 2013 when Sam Hinkie took over as GM.