I am approaching my first year of marriage and I admit that it’s taught me a great deal about compromise, compassion and communications. I know that I blogged about it earlier but a new situation has come to the surface and I feel compelled to write about it.
This topic is In-Laws and how they should be addressed. More specifically, what do you call your in-laws? For some of you, the relationship with your in-laws may be considered sour. Therefore coming up with proper names for them may be deemed inappropriate for this family-friendly blog. The true question is what do you call your in-laws whom you have garnished a pretty nice standing relationship.
I recently polled 3 of my buddies who are each early in their marriages. The general consensus is that every situation is unique. For example, my buddy Sean says that his in-laws are separated thus it changes the dynamic of the relationship of each of them. Not even 6 months into his marriage and he calls his father-in-law “Dad..” My other friends, both named Mike, said that conversations never came up and they feel very comfortable calling their in-laws by their first names.
Thus brings up the scenario of when your in-laws request to be called “Mom and Dad.” My initial view is that in everyone’s life that title is smoothly incorporated without a ceremonious occasion. In other words, it should be a natural process that comes without a timestamp. For example, I love my wife but I couldn’t tell you the date and time in which I first uttered “I love you” to her. Nor was there a time in which she requested an “I love you” to be uttered.
The “Mom & Dad” title for in-laws has become an awkward conversation for society, which really doesn’t perceptually recognize the true fondness one may have for an in-law. Just because you don’t call them mom and dad doesn’t mean you feel any less about them and vice versa. In my own family I have a sister-in-law who respects my parents and in some ways adores my parents but she doesn’t loosely refer to them as “Mom and Dad.” Why should she? She has her own mom and dad who raised her, changed her diapers, taught her to swim and put her thru college. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like my parents. It’s just an awkward greeting for a couple who come into your life by default of a spouse.
Over the past 5-years of courting, dating, proposing and eventually marrying my love muffin, I have come to know my in-laws quite well. It’s been a process for me as they lead a different lifestyle then that of my parents. They are good and decent people and I have no personal objections to calling them “Mom and Dad” at some juncture. I tried practicing in the mirror and it just feels weird. Maybe I need more practice. Maybe I need some trial runs where I mutter it under my breath. Maybe I just need to take my time with it but it’s definitely something that’s been on my mind. The odd dynamic is that calling my wife’s’ Aunts, Uncles and cousins seems to go more naturally for me and also to my friends whom I polled.
Here’s the conundrum. You can always upgrade your in-laws from calling them their first names to “Mom and Dad” but there is no downgrade option. Once you call them Mom and Dad that’s it….no going back. The other thing to consider is my leap of faith with my in-laws if my wife doesn’t reciprocate by calling my parents Mom and Dad. To me it must go both ways.
Honestly, I thought I’d be able to hold off on the name transition until their grandchildren were born but I feel like there is a societal pressure to give due respect to the people who gave birth to the love of your life. I suppose this can be something that can be debated for years to come but calling them something always trumps the old “Hey You.”
This topic is In-Laws and how they should be addressed. More specifically, what do you call your in-laws? For some of you, the relationship with your in-laws may be considered sour. Therefore coming up with proper names for them may be deemed inappropriate for this family-friendly blog. The true question is what do you call your in-laws whom you have garnished a pretty nice standing relationship.
I recently polled 3 of my buddies who are each early in their marriages. The general consensus is that every situation is unique. For example, my buddy Sean says that his in-laws are separated thus it changes the dynamic of the relationship of each of them. Not even 6 months into his marriage and he calls his father-in-law “Dad..” My other friends, both named Mike, said that conversations never came up and they feel very comfortable calling their in-laws by their first names.
Thus brings up the scenario of when your in-laws request to be called “Mom and Dad.” My initial view is that in everyone’s life that title is smoothly incorporated without a ceremonious occasion. In other words, it should be a natural process that comes without a timestamp. For example, I love my wife but I couldn’t tell you the date and time in which I first uttered “I love you” to her. Nor was there a time in which she requested an “I love you” to be uttered.
The “Mom & Dad” title for in-laws has become an awkward conversation for society, which really doesn’t perceptually recognize the true fondness one may have for an in-law. Just because you don’t call them mom and dad doesn’t mean you feel any less about them and vice versa. In my own family I have a sister-in-law who respects my parents and in some ways adores my parents but she doesn’t loosely refer to them as “Mom and Dad.” Why should she? She has her own mom and dad who raised her, changed her diapers, taught her to swim and put her thru college. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like my parents. It’s just an awkward greeting for a couple who come into your life by default of a spouse.
Over the past 5-years of courting, dating, proposing and eventually marrying my love muffin, I have come to know my in-laws quite well. It’s been a process for me as they lead a different lifestyle then that of my parents. They are good and decent people and I have no personal objections to calling them “Mom and Dad” at some juncture. I tried practicing in the mirror and it just feels weird. Maybe I need more practice. Maybe I need some trial runs where I mutter it under my breath. Maybe I just need to take my time with it but it’s definitely something that’s been on my mind. The odd dynamic is that calling my wife’s’ Aunts, Uncles and cousins seems to go more naturally for me and also to my friends whom I polled.
Here’s the conundrum. You can always upgrade your in-laws from calling them their first names to “Mom and Dad” but there is no downgrade option. Once you call them Mom and Dad that’s it….no going back. The other thing to consider is my leap of faith with my in-laws if my wife doesn’t reciprocate by calling my parents Mom and Dad. To me it must go both ways.
Honestly, I thought I’d be able to hold off on the name transition until their grandchildren were born but I feel like there is a societal pressure to give due respect to the people who gave birth to the love of your life. I suppose this can be something that can be debated for years to come but calling them something always trumps the old “Hey You.”
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