When I was in college, my roommate at the time thought about how great it would be to own Russia, since it is the biggest country in the world in terms of land mass. I just shrugged it off and told him it was not possible. Well its been over 10-years since John and I had this discussion at Penn State and I'm happy to announce my plans to not only buy Russia but ultimately make me the Czar and enable me to rule the world. This is a huge task considering that I currently only own a 750 square foot condo and my love muffin is technically the ruler of that universe.
So here's the plan. You can all help make it happen for me. It will all start with a bake sale. Every cent will go directly to my cause. It will continue with some panhandling, which seems degrading and embarrassing but look at the bright side, I'll have a throne at the end. After I'm done selling cakeand standing outside Walmart with a "help me" bucket, I would have but with inflation it may be more.at least $16 to go towards my ultimate goal of 1.3 trillion dollars. I should of began the discussion by mentioning that Russia's GDP is 1.3 trillion. Therefore buying Russia would mean I'll need to raise at least that amount of money.
My next step is to open up a water ice kiosk at the Willow Grove Mall. I realize that for supplies, rentals, and insurance I'm setting myself back 1K but that's not entirely true. You forgot about the $16 I already earned so now I'm only down $984. I am naming this water ice stand after my nickname, Rudy. So Rudy's Water ice. Has a nice ring to it. Not like that lame Rita's competitor of mine. I project business will boom and over a period of 2-years, I will begin to franchise my water ice around the country.
My next goal is to sell the entire Rudy's Water ice franchise for at least $25 million. This will be a down payment for the movie theater complex I'm going to build, The Rudy-Plex. My fortune will eventually lead to bigger things such as naming rights for sports arena (i.e Rudy Field), branding of salad dressing (I.E. Rudy Vinaigrette) and of course my own college bowl classic, The Not So Gaylord Rudy Bowl. All of these business ventures will lead to big money. I will invest the money wisely, such as the US stock market Or Detroit Lions Super Bowl odds for 2010. You catch my drift? Of course I will invest in land. Specifically buying up some tropical islands, where I can overcharge tourists for everything they do on my piece of land.
The bottom line is that I will increase my fortune to trillions of dollars within 10 years. I will not only buy Russia but I will appropriately change the name to Rudy-land. I will socialize everything and free the people of communism....Oh wait that's already taken care of for me. Anyway, I will become the Czar. My love muffin will go from a 750 square foot condo to a 6.6 million square foot paradise. This dream will become my reality. It all starts with a bake sale. Who wants to make me some cookies?
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