If I Were A Rich Man!!

Let me ask you all a very personal but rhetorical question. What do you think about before you go to bed each night. Like most of you, I have a lot of stressful things occurring in my life so to ease my mind, I can only think of one thing....Money.

I'm not greedy, I'm not materialistic, I'm also not counting on having any of it but if money does come my way, I already have it quite figured out. I actually have a notepad next to my bed to record new thoughts on how I would handle my new fortunes. I would now like to outline some of my ideas with you.

Tonight the Mega Millions jackpot is at $330 million dollars. I have 4 tickets (fingers crosses). When my numbers come onto the screen, I will calmly awake my wife and inform her that tomorrow would be her last day of work...ever. Next I would break something very expensive. Why? Just because I can.

After the shock wears off, I will hire a lawyer and financial planner to protect me right away and make sure this shit is really legit. I will then walk into The Mail and Parcels Store in Warminster, where I purchased the ticket and tell the owner, Ed, who by the way is a terrific business owner, that we are now each wealthy. He gets a $1 bonus from the lottery for selling the winning ticket + I will give him another $1 million because he is a good dude and he gets all my packages mailed on time.

I would opt out of the silly annuity plan. I won't test my limits of living for an infinite amount of time. I just want the cold hard cash in the bank. That automatically reduces my payoff to roughly $162 million. Somehow I'll manage to live with that. I will then immediately consult with my financial guy to make sure Uncle Sam gets his share, which knocks me down to roughly $122 million...Once again, it's still enough to make it Pamela's last day at work. Fortunately I won't have to quit my job because it was lost back in August, which make me winning that more important and this juncture in my life. I will act in a mature manner is I tease any past employers who may have evil to me by putting a hundred dollar bill on a very thin string and watching his face every time I pull it away but I digress.

My $122 Million

Family Ties

For me it's all about family first. Mom and Dad get a cool $6 million as does my in-laws, my sister/brother-in-law and my brother/ sister-in-law. By virtue, I've taken care of nieces, nephews and future generations of Rosenbaums.

Only $98 million left

Digging Out of A Hole

Between cars, credit card bills, school loans and bobbleheads I have pretty close to $75,000 owed in debt that needs to be paid off...Boom...done. Pamela, also wants to move. Money can easily buy any house we want but part of me wants us to be modest and not go overboard. So I'm thinking a $500K suburban single with a nice yard, big basement, classy kitchen, would be good. Like I said, I don't want to overdo it so I'm only hiring 12 housekeepers, 4 innkeepers and 6 gatekeepers for my new guest home that will surround my 15 million dollar mansion. I'm kidding, $500,00 for the house, maybe a small modest beach condo to go with it My goal is to live for at least 5 years without paying a single bill. That means my utilities, cellphone, insurances, will all be prepaid...No More Bills. This will all take a million to happen.

Only $97 Million Left

Remembering Those Special Teachers:

I never forget those educators who have had a profound effect on my life. I will identify 3 specific teachers / professors, who have given me confidence when my hope was down and have instilled me with the tools needed to face the world each day. What else can you give those who graciously took my virginity. They each will deserve 1 million dollars each for those fond memories. Don't laugh. they asked me how big is a yardstick and I showed them.

Only $94 Million Left

My Social Profit-Network.

I currently have 763 friends on Facebook. Some I like more then others but all will be part of my social network profit. I will be handing over $5,000 to each friend in my network. It'll be my Oprah moment...You get $5,000, You get $5,000, You get $5000. So please don't befriend me or you won't get your money. If you are currently not on my friend list there is still time. Because I am vein, I am offering 237 lucky people the opportunity to be on my friend list. Just send me an essay on why you should be worthy. The reward is not only the opportunity to be my fake friend, which is enough to make anyone feel good but you will also receive my $5,000 gift. Thats $5,000 to 1000 Facebook Friends. Thats $5,000,000 million....keep checking my facebook status for some big news.

Only 89 Million Left

Charity

There are some charities that are near and dear to our hearts. We actually donated some of our wedding money to Stand-Up To Cancer, Broadway Cares and The American Heart

Association.

I will be adding to that list, Golden Slipper Club

and Charities and The Juvenile Diabetes Association. Each will receive a million dollar donation. I will then hold a contest and grant 4 million dollars in endowments, grants and scholarships for worthy artists and hard-luck scholars.

Only 80 Million Left

Time To Help My Close Friends

We all have friends who are struggling in one way or another. Maybe they need that lift to finish paying on school loans, need some money to

start a small business, want to start a 529 so their kids can go to college, maybe have some kind of medical hardship. I'm investing 1 million to help my friends in need.

Only 79 Million Left

Helping Out The Homeless

I want to surprise 3 homeless people and award them with 1 million each. There is a duality to this gesture. In order to receive my gift, the will need to let me document the next 365 days of their life. I think it will be an interesting project and make for an awesome documentary movie filmed by my awesome wife. The one caveat is that they will not be allowed to use any money for gambling, drinking or smoking...Good Luck future homeless stars.

Only 78 Million Left

F-U Money

Now that I took care of everyone else, it's time to do some things I always wanted to do.

Pamela gets a boost to our videography company. More cameras, more advertising, more employees, more workspace and hopefully more jobs.

While she is busy with her video editing, I will be buying luxury box seats for every professional sporting event in Philadelphia. Once again, I share this gift with my friends. Anyone interested in a good seat for the Flyers, Sixers, Eagles and Phillies, give me a call.

Lastly, I will use the money for travel. Like with everything, there will be a twist.

A. I will be taking all the guys in my fantasy football league to Clearwater, Florida for a week to see our Phillies play in pre-season baseball. 12 guys on a warm Florida beach in the city that gave us the first Hooters. All expenses paid by your friends at Mega Millions (via Ryan Rosenbaum).

B. I'm Taking 250+ family and friends on a Cruise in 2013 to help celebrate me and Pamelas 5th wedding anniversary.

C. I'd also like to go Africa, Australia and China (not all in that order).

Ok That leaves me about $73 million...Sounds about right.

I'm gonna invest nearly all of it and live off the interest. Conservatively speaking that'll bring in 10% a year. So in less then 10 years, We'll be back where we started. So we can spend it all again.

So in closing, I'd like to say that winning the $330 million dollars would be somewhat satisfying but sharing it and helping others would be the ultimate satisfaction. Its nice to have something to think about before I go to bed each night but it would be so much better if that bed was gold-plated with diamonds.